One late night back in 1997, when I was in the hospital for the third straight month with major complications from a colostomy surgery due to Crohn's dis-ease, a priest walked by my darkened room. I turned my head and my sullen eyes connected with his softened glaze. He had been making rounds into my room for weeks during which time we had built up a mutual bond of confidence and safety. He asked me if it was ok to come into my room. I softly shook my head yes and he slowly walked toward me. He brought out his bible and laid it out on the tustled sheets of my bed. He asked me if it was ok for him to have a serious talk. In too much pain to worry about what he may say, I said, “Of course, Father.”
He sat pensive for a moment, as though he was asking Spirit for the words to share with me. He then grabbed my right hand and lightly squeezed it. What he said next still informs my Purposeful Calling and paradigm for many of life's challenges to this day. Leaning in close, he softly uttered, “Jeff, I don't know why certain people are meant to suffer. And I have seen you suffer more than most. What I can tell you, is that God is testing you my son.”
While I certainly appreciated his attempt to offer me his LOVE, support, and kindness, his words just DID NOT ring true for me. After he read some passages from the bible and blessed me, Father left to visit other patients. And I spent the next few hours, prior to the sun's rising, pondering on the words he had whispered. I knew that if I had a child, there is NO conceivable way I would put them through the many years of torturous suffering I had endured as a way of “testing” them. In fact, it almost made me angry.
The next few days were incredibly daunting. My mind kept pondering that night's engagement with Father. I knew that his intention was absolutely of pure LOVE, but facing the endurance test of a several year battle for your own life causes one to go deeper. There is NO meaning left in simply “punching in and punching out” with life's daily time card.
About a week later, after my mid afternoon meal (though an IV bag of course.. Yummy!!! LOL), a young boy about 8 years old passed by my room with his parents close in tow. They peered in, and the young lad asked me if I would like to challenge him to a race. He was fraught, skinnier than a fritter on a frying pan, pale as Casper the ghost, and completely bald. Although hooked up to an IV machine, he carried it with such grace, as if it were Harry Potter's magical staff.
I felt like HELL and was in an enormous amount of pain. However, the courage and strength that this young HERO radiated, imbued me instantly with the gumption to hop out of bed and walk toward him. His parents profusely apologized for their son having disturbed me. I assured them that it was no bother what so ever. I slowly bent down and asked him his name. “Peter,” he said. “And I know I can beat you in a race down the hallway!” Never one to back down from a challenge, even from an 8 year old, I excitedly said, “ You bet! We are both going to need to get our strength back for when we get out of the hospital. ”
At which point, his mother touched me on the shoulder, and slowly shook her head NO as a small tear strolled down her face. I knew exactly what she meant. Peter was not going to be going home. He was obviously dying from cancer. It took every ounce of conviction I had to keep from breaking down right then and there. I took a few deep breaths of composure and addressed Peter again.
“Ok, Peter, you're on. Let's race down to the edge of the nurse's check in office. Whoever gets there first shall forever be known as the Race Champion King of George Washington Hospital!” Peter's parents began a countdown and then we were off to the races. I began with a quick burst, and then slowed down to let Peter catch up to me. And eventually let him beat me by a couple of feet. I have witnessed kids on Christmas morning who were not nearly as thrilled as Peter was in that moment of BLISS. He began spinning and dancing, and waving his arms in the air. And then, Spirit created an opening of KNOWINGNESS that stays imprinted within my Soul to this very day.
LIFE IS NOT A TEST
We aren't made to suffer and be utterly challenged because God is trying to TEST us. We are perfect emanations of the Divine Spirit HerSelf! We have absolutely nothing to prove. And I do not believe that God has one judgmental aspect to his BEING! All of life is a grand set of Blissful OPPORTUNITIES. As Napoleon Hill said, "Your biggest opportunity stands exactly where you stand right NOW.” For instance, perhaps the greatest thrill of my life thus far was the OPPORTUNITY of letting little Peter experience the feeling of wining our race that day nearly 25 years ago! Without our pain, suffering, and challenges, we would not have so many of the opportunities that carry with them the majestical miracles that life has to offer. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “ Never lose the opportunity of seeing something beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting.”
LIFE IS NOT A TEST
Please do not misunderstand me! I am not trying to condone or make light of the plethora of tragedy, loss, pain, and suffering we all endure at various points in our lives. Life can be BRUTAL. Even soul crushing at times. We often lose our faith in any form of a higher power. But rather than looking at them as TESTS, what would it look like for us to transcend our challenges as opportunities for MIRACLES to surround and support us. And for US to BE THOSE MIRACLES for others. In the form of love, compassion, kindness, generosity of spirit, and understanding. THAT is why we are here and without these OPPORTUNITIES, we would not be able to experience the glorious feelings they afford us.
LIFE IS NOT A TEST
Everyone will be challenged and endure times of struggle and strife on their unique Hero's Journey. But the Universe wastes absolutely NOTHING! Everything you experience is happening THROUGH YOU and FOR YOU, not TO YOU!! Big difference!
Thinking things happen TO YOU is a mindset of Victim Consciousness. And You Are Not a Victim! PERIOD and Mic Drop!! And re-member that we are built for pain. In fact, you will never find a better teacher than the Pain Professor. It would serve you well to let Pain in, rather than resisting it. Allow it to stay until you have learned what it came to teach. For those lessons will prove to be the most valuable on your Hero's Journey!
LIFE IS NOT A TEST
There is no such thing as FAILURE! (Unless you never try!) Failure is simply Constructive Feedback from the Universe! It is always instructional in nature. These are opportunities to grow and learn from. The Universe does not work on a Pass/Fail basis! Unlike the game of baseball, you get as many swings as you desire! The Universe will give you Do Over after Do Over, but NOT to test you. Please believe that 'Life is Rigged Completely In Your Favor!' The Universe sent you here for a reason. And it supports you in your Mission Possible!! Do Overs are just the Universe's way of allowing you to get the lesson and wisdom you need to complete the next step on your Hero's Journey! Ask and it shall be given, for the power and glory are all yours! You are Never alone on your quest. In fact, if you knew who walks beside you at all times, you would never experience Fear ever again.........
LIFE IS NOT A TEST
It's not as if God cast you out of Heaven and then makes you pass a series of TESTS to 'Get Back In.' We are Divine creations, perfect in every way. Each of us is priceless. Never devalue your sense of SELF! In doing so you are devaluing God Herself!
Our collective MISSION has been Divinely Devised. You each have a unique CALLING. And it can only be fulfilled BY YOU !! The byproduct of its completion is nothing less than the rapture of a gateway towards Beams of Bliss flowing into our Collective Consciousness. Expanding and infusing the energetic radiance of LOVE AND LIGHT, Peace and Wisdom, Compassion and Kindness back into the World! And the stout KNOWINGNESS that as you spread these gifts of Blissful Boosts to others, so will this BLISS be brought back unto you! For that which you do for others, you do for yourself! The illusion of Separation will dissolve into nothingness. Forevermore, You and I, will BE ONE!!
LIFE IS NOT A TEST
As Pastor Steve Simons says:
God is not measuring you. God is leading you.
God is not judging you. God is instructing you.
God is not condemning you. God is picking you up. Dusting you off, and saying, "You'll get it better next time."
God is not testing you. God is loving you, providing for you, blessing you, and giving you life.
Where you see failure, God sees opportunity.
Where you may see obstacles, God sees potential.
Where you see defeat, God sees impending victory.
So close your eyes and take a deep breathe! And then Let It Go! Learn to RELAX!! Always do your best, because your best will ALWAYS DO!! After all, LIFE IS NOT A TEST.........
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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