Without divulging too much personal familial information, let's just say that such pressure and emotional highs and lows cause individuals to engage the day to day battles quite differently. No right vs. wrong, more like my way versus your way of making this work that is comfortable to me. Capiche? Great!! And because everyone has a completely different take on the subject and how to handle the monumental day to day decisions that must be made, you can only imagine the possibilities for chaos that can ensue. Each day becomes a nasty version of The Wizaard of Oz replete with discord, chaos, and confusion Oh My!!! LOL Well, it's kinda funny NOW, but not so much back then......
Being the oldest sibling in the family and being an incredibly sensitive soul by nature, the whole ordeal was in some way a wonderful opportunity for me to deal with my darkest insecurities and challenges, but at times felt like a side show of daily whammo's and gotcha's worthy of any Fun/Scare House! NOT exactly fun for either party.
The interesting thing is that I truly believe that NOBODY CAN MAKE A MISTAKE! A MISSTEP yes, but a true MISTAKE, absolutely not. Why you ask?! Because we act in any given moment with the exact level of experience we have in our tool box at that given moment. Easier to understand it by saying we are alway doing the very best we can in each and every action we participate in. Based on previous accumulated knowledge and experience up to that exact moment in our lives. It's a hard concept to accept for many of us but the more you ponder it, the more comes the ease of a acceptance of its tenets.
There were many times during that three year time period in which I was completely and all engulfed with a triggering of Gi-normous proportions. I know there was absolutely NO ill will intent involved in these maladies of emotional trauma, but to me, they created a chasm of pain and suffering on so many different levels it was hard to comprehend. My mom seeming to side with my sister on difficult medical decisions for instance. Usurping me in the process completely even though I had given up a job to help care for my dad during the entire ordeal. Some painful shit went down!!
And the more I brought up the discord, the more I was looked at as the preverbal “black sheep” of the family. As though nobody understood my own pain and suffering in this process. But deep down, my pain was completely palpable. It engrained a feeling of LESS THAN as large as any of the Eight Wonders of the World. Especially given the fact I had given up a six figure job to be a primary caretaker for my dad and now felt I was being completely usurped in many of the daily decisions that needed to be made on my father's behalf.
Again, before I proceed, I want to reiterate that I hold absolutely NO ill will toward anyone in my family for this situation. We were all doing what we felt was for the best and how our disperate experience could truly benefit the situation as a whole.
Unfortunately, my father lost his battle with this dreaded disease and succumbed to his cancer in December of 2013. Also just as unfortunately, our familial life strains' continue to this day. The sister I use to be so close to has become like a long lost relative that I barely know. The same with her husband and their son(my godson Aiden). And that has been a BRUTAL experience on many fronts in my life on a day to day basis.
To be fair, the present is a wonderful opportunity that shines a bright light onto the areas in my life that still need love and healing addressed upon them. And for that I am grateful. And for the record, YES, I have tried having talks with them but my family is much comfortable sweeping things under the table rather than addressing them head-on. And to some degree I get that. Engaging such painful and complex matters are not easy and the hopes are that a gathering of the minds will not do even more damage to the situation.
So until both sides are ready for such a brave and courageous step, I have devised an alternative measure to help assist you when these TRIGGERS arise in your life. And the great thing is that it can be used for pretty much ANY and EVERY TRIGGER we usually face in the Trigger Handbook!
Want to know what my solution is?!? I hoped so... Because it is actually so easy peezy!! I simply call it:
THE WALK AWAY!!!! That's right, it is to simply walk away from triggering situations when they arise in your life. Now some may argue with me that that is easier said than done, or even a cowardly act of defiance. Fair enough! But by walking away, I am not soliciting walking away from the situation entirely. Hell No! What I am suggesting is that you remove yourself from the situation or triggering mechanism(person, place, or thing) to allow your inner being to reflect it's true nature once again. To allow the pain and trauma to find their rightful place within you without causing the type of pain and/or anxiety that may cause the situation to escalate within you in a place that serves nobody!! And Re-member that it is completely OK to temporarily or permanently love someone from the other side of the room. You are STILL loving them, but that doesn't not meant they need to to be in your close circle of daily energy!
My personal BELIEF is that is much easier to work on allowing a piece of hurt or trauma to resonate within you in a more peaceful nature, than to try and admonish it from your inner being completely. Because that, Jack, is sooooooo much easier to do! Does that make sense? I hope it does.
I have known some people to find solace in keeping a TRIGGER journal for just such times. It's a fantastic way to write down what triggered you and why. And how you would like to show up to meet that TRIGGER the next time it rears it's nasty head in your life. And here is a New Age Nerd tip: It is completely OK to love someone from the other side of the room. If you find yourself consistently being triggered by the same person, place, or thing, it is completely ok to love that soulful entity from the other side of the room. You are still loving them, just giving yourself some loving space so that you can keep moving positive, progressive momentum in your life and in turn, the lives you touch on a daily basis!
Now this might sound like an easy fix all for a complex and for many very challenging situation, but the fact of the matter is that most of our issues can be summerized from one of my favorite self realized acronym's, that being KISS. Keep It Spiritually Simple!! We tend to completely over think and analyze things when we are on a daily path of self realization when the truth is that keeping things on a very subtle and pragmatic path is the way to reach your own OZ!!
Now this DOES NOT get you off the hook for working on your triggers through self work, therapy, or any other number of means that feel comfortable for your own unique path. It's just that we sometimes feel like we must be able to tackle everything in our lives at once and that is called INSANITY!! Compartmentalizing our issues is a much more pragmatic manner to address what we need we need to work on while not during ourselves crazy in the interim. And when YOU are ready, you can re-address these Triggers and see how they make you FEEL. As feelings are the guideposts to the Soul! And that guidance will give your Heart Light a litmus test on where you stand with the TRIGGERS that befall us all at some point.............
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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