The past few weeks have been somewhat challenging for me and some of my hard fought personal boundaries. Sometimes, individuals who have devoted their life to one of selfless service can attract Souls who are just beginning to awaken to their own Super Heroic Higher Self. Which is absolutely AWESOME in my book. For when the student is ready, the teacher/coach/mentor will always appear.(wink) However, I have learned there is a big difference in being in acceptance of certain behavior traits and energetic archetypes, and choosing to let other types go because they in some manner cause you to betray your own set of self loving personal boundaries. For instance, I have learned that red flags do not mean a parade is coming. lol (I even wrote a full post on a really funny story with a terrific lesson about red flags. Just search red flags in the blog section and it should pop up)
For instance, I am not perfect and I do not expect anyone else to BE either. Progress, not perfection is my motto! And I choose to judge no one. I truly understand the importance of giving everyone "The Dignity of Their Own Process." But that does not mean that we should be in allowance of others in our life who continuously co-create situations that cause us to experience any sense of disrespect, shame, or just plain out unkindness. Allowing toxic energy into your life is akin to smoking spiritual cigarettes and believing they are good for your SOUL. Just ask your personal Doctor of Destiny what he/she thinks. And then let me know how that is working for ya! ;0)
Now I am not referring to what I like to call a "One Off." Life can be quite daunting and incredibly challenging for all of us from time to time. We all wake up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed. Have bad days and the like. And I totally get it! So I believe we should extend the same sort of patience and undertansing to others as we would hopefully commit to giving ourSELVES. I know people who are very lonely because the moment a person does the tiniest thing to trigger them in any fashion, they act very impetuously and make rash decisions. Most of the time resulting in waving a fond farewell to that individual who never really stood a chance with them anyway. That type of patterned behavior will only get you a one way ticket to the "Cat lady-Mr. Miser" neighborhood. Meh!
When you are in alignment with yourSELF, allow your own intuition to be your guide. It will steer you clear of folks who were meant to just drop in for a short visit. Just don't discount the gift they came to bring you. (because every person who ever comes for even the shortest of stays brings with them a blessing) And always re-member to bless them back if you choose to love them from the other side of the room. Cause that's the way a New Age Nerd rolls! ;0)
And what I have witnessed as of late is a Gi-normous decrease in empowering "Co-Creational Relationships." Because ALL relationships are completely co-creational in their inherent nature. My definition of this type of relationship is one in which both involved individuals choose to respect their sacred connection with mutual care, support, and kindness! For a myriad of reasons, our collective consciousness has lost SPIRIT filled connection with one another on even the most basic levels. Since I truly believe you are either part of the problem, or part of the solution, I actually made a New Year's declaration to stop texting so much and start actually picking up this device called a TELEPHONE to have more meaningful conversations that just cannot be duplicated through electronic communication. Well, unless you are R2-D2 and C-3PO from Star Wars lore! LOL
Needless to say, I have found it beyond challenging to get many of my TRIBE to 'get on board' with my attempt in shifting the manner in which we connect with one another. While I refrain from judging their choices, it doesn't mean that reaching out to people and not hearing back from them for days and even weeks at a time is not both hurtful and challenging to my own hard fought boundaries. At least for the types of co-creational relationships I DESIRE to have in my life. After all, it is a proven fact that the most important determinant of your success and happiness will come from the individuals you choose to bring into your inner circle. In fact, did you know that you will end up being the exact median in all ways of the five closest cohorts in your TRIBE! As the old saying goes, 'Birds of a feather flock together.' You can either choose to fly with the crows or soar with the Eagles! (Crows are simply Eagles in training!) So I ask you, WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE?
But after much rumination and also allowing my emotional core to simmer before engaging this boundary protection issue impacting so many (myself included), my SOUL continued whispering to me that while there are times in which we will choose to 'Love someone from the other side of the room', perhaps there is another, more conscious resolution to try implementing before making that decision. And it ALL has to do with sharing our LOVE with those in our life. LOVING them back Into The Light just may be an act that will help them expand their own consciousness!
So I have put together some suggestions and tips that I invite you to implement in your own relationships. I already have done so and the results have created some MIRACLES and new deep rooted connections! I will be holding a space of connection, patience, compassion and understanding for everyone on this Journey so that we may all Re-member that WE ARE ALL ONE!!
SUPERHEROES IN TRAINING TAKEAWAYS:
Last time I checked, the great majority of us are NOT mind readers. And if you happen to have this highly coveted ability, please call me. Let's chat! Seriously. LOL
For the rest of us, we must settle on the subtle art of asking our friends, lovers, relatives, and co-workers what they need from us. Unfortunately, most of us miss the mark like a very inexperienced arrow shooter when it comes to this form of communication. And as simple and innocuous as it may seem, it actually can wreak havoc in ALL of our relationships!
In fact, it is a scientific fact that the majority of our deeply held wounds, the type that keep our inner emotions hostage to dysfunctional behaviors are a direct result of us NOT receiving the LOVE in the form of praise, gratitude, APPRECIATION and ACKNOWLEDGEMENT that most of us seek, whether we admit it to ourselves or not.
So here are some tips you may decide to include in your daily communication that I have seen work wonders with my clients and friends once they practice them enough so that they flow from authenticity:
1. Since chances are you are NOT a mindreader, what would it look like to actually ask someone you value in your life HOW THEY WOULD LIKE YOU TO SHOW UP FOR THEM IN THE MOMENT? Earth shattering thought, I know. LOL But I think of all the tips and suggestions I have tried in trying to build stronger relationships in my life, this offering of kindness has been by far met with the most enthusiasm and gratitude. For many people, the first time they hear me ask them this, it is like they are speaking to an alien life form. I don't believe they have ever had the opportunity for someone to completely eradicate THEIR agenda so they can truly concentrate on what is going on in their world. Let's keep it real here. This is about NOT making it all about you! Feel Me? I KNOW you do! And listen, before I throw any stones, I have been guilty of turning someone else's story into what I am going through enough times to build my own glass house. Just sayin and prayin. ;0)
2. There are many of us that have rarely been afforded the self confidence to help assist us in our goals and lively endeavors. It may seem ludicrous to think about, but I have come across enough friends, clients and relatives to KNOW IT TO BE TRUE!! So another powerful suggestion that I implement with my clients is to tell them how much I BELIEVE IN THEM!!! Very often their first retort is usually something to the effect of , “That's easy for you to say, or I wish I could believe what you are saying.” And ya know what? I absolutely LOVE it when they come back at me with such volition! Why? Because it allows me to pull out my verbal magic wand; the one I keep hidden for just such occasions. I simply lower my voice, and look them straight in the eye. Or pretend I am doing so over the phone, and tell them, “No problem. I will hold a space that you are MORE than capable of whatever you put your mind to until YOU can hold that space for yourself! I believe in YOU and I will always and in all ways! I promise, I will stand by your side at all times.” And then I stop before I start to sound too much like a James Taylor song. lol
What would it look like for you to implement a similar paradigm of what I now call "Space Saving" with some of your close friendships? I think you will find it to cause miracles on both sides of the relationship!
3. Be somebody's personal cheerleader! Celebrate small victories for and with them. Nobody can do it alone and all Journey's start having the conviction of taking the very first few steps. Right?! DAMN STRAIGHT! And the difference between those of us who make our dreams come true and those who don't, usually stem from those who are BRAVE enough to take the first few steps. So I urge you to make a GI-normous (well, not too GI-normous) deal about the small victories in your friends lives. They will appreciate it more than you could ever know! Trust me. Send them an actual letter in the mail. Drop by unexpectedly with a bottle of wine or just to give them a big fat juicy hug and tell them how AMAZING they are! Most of us who have decided to take on our own Hero's/Heroine's Journey often feel like we are on an island by ourselves. And it can be pretty scary and sometimes very lonely. So just letting someone know you are thinking about them can sometimes make all the difference in their world!
4. I call this the "JUST BECAUSE." And it is a pretty simple thing to incorporate into your life and the lives of those you treasure. Learn to do things for others JUST BECAUSE. Send someone a vase of wildflowers. Or leave a small note on their car windshield just to tell them you care and see them for who they truly are! Pick up the phone and if they aren't there, leave them a message telling them how much they mean to you. Treat them to lunch and give them a card expressing the Superhero they are in your life. This, I believe my New Age Nerd friends, has the power to CHANGE THIS WORLD!
Re-member, the Universe tagged you it! That's why you are here. You agreed to the challenge that lies in front of us all. That being assisting in expanding the Universe through expressions of LOVE. The whole searching for "the meaning of life" thingy, it's right there in front of your eyes. Just choose to BE LOVE. That's it! It's literally that simple. Vulnerable and very deep, but simple. I truly believe with all my heart and soul that it's just NOT as difficult as we are making it out to be. For as Gandalf said in The Hobbit, “I have found it is the small things, random acts of kindness, that keeps the darkness of this world at bay.” Amen to that the Great Grey One.
BE SUPER HEROIC!
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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