TODAY'S INSPIRATIONAL “MYTHOLOGICAL MAGIC”
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One of the most common issues I am confronted with by my clients is the manner in which they are BEING treated by others. Be it their spouse, co-workers, family members, or friends, it certainly seems to be an EPIC problem. And it's completely understandable. We all would like to be treated with respect, kindness, and love. As Oprah has stated over and over again, the ONE common trait she has found on her Journey meeting with people from all over the world is their DESIRE to be seen and heard with respect.
But before we jump into the discussion of how others are treating you, it is absolutely vital to acknowledge how YOU are treating YOU. When was the last time you spent quality time checking in with yourSELF on such important topics such as what are your core values, beliefs, and feelings; especially with regards to how you are using these emotions and thoughts and how they relate toward your own sense of SELF worth. Would you agree that it is quite challenging to ask others to treat you in a manner that you don't even treat YOURSELF? I would say HECK YES!
Here are a few important questions you can ask yourself. What is your Code of Conduct system? Do you even have one? What is your ideal vision for a true CO-Creational relationship? What are your boundaries regarding the way you desire to be treated? Do you have a defined value system for yourSELF? What does respect mean to you?
I know all to well from my own personal experience how damaging NOT having answers to these questions can be for our interpersonal relationships. The reason being is THAT WE TEACH OTHERS HOW WE WANT TO BE TREATED. Re-read that last sentence. It will be one of the most important tenets to your happiness and success in your lifetime!
My birth father abandoned our family when I was just 3 years of age. And the long lasting affect it had on my psyche was devastating. I consequently grew up being absolutely terrified that if I stood up for myself in situations that I knew were not being respectful of my feelings, the person would leave. So by MY actions of NOT saying anything, I was actually teaching people it was A-OK to treat me in such a hurtful and disrespectful manner. And it took me a LONG time to gain the sense of self LOVE to in a sense re-teach others how I desired to be treated. And it was FAR from easy to do so. Once people get accostomed to to treating you in a familiar manner, trying to undue this behavior can cause some friction, to say the least!
In fact, it took me into my 30's to truly redefine my own sense of Core Conduct and develop a deep rooted and overwhelming degree of SELF LOVE. The type that compassionately sets the tone with others. And what a difference did it make! I now make it very clear to my personal Tribe members what I expect in our co-creations and make DAMN sure I do my part in returning the sense of love, respect, and kindness I seek for myself!
Plus, with way of the Universal Law of Attraction, we actually attract people who are going to treat us EXACTLY how we treat ourselves. Haven't you been witness to many a friend who continues to attract the same ‘wolf in sheep's clothing ’ in their personal relationships?!? It's because like attracts like. I love the saying “Likes tend to last!” And they DO! No doubt about it!
And here is something else that is so vital to remember when we DO attract people into our life who cause us emotional pain and discomfort. They are actually providing us with a wonderful gift. They are shining a light on the areas within YOU that still need LOVE and attention. That's right! They are showing you where healing still needs to be done. That doesn't mean we need to keep them in our life forever, but instead of reacting outwardly toward them in a non compassionate manner, thank them internally for the gift they came to give you and then realize it is perfectly OK to love them from the other side of the room if their behavior continues.
Another important thing to remember is that people are not mind readers. One tweak that has created miracles in my personal relationships is actually sharing with others how I need them show up for me in certain situations. Most individuals tend to go into ‘fix it mode’ when we come to them with our problems. When very often, all we need is for them to listen. But we rarely share this information with them. So I urge you to start implementing this technique into your relationships and see the MIRACLES that start to manifest!
The last suggestion I will impart on this topic has to do with conflict resolution skills. Sophia Nelson, a writer for the Huffington Post said it brilliantly, “This is critical — you must surround yourself with people again who have a similar code. I like to TALK things out. I think it is essential to talk before you walk. No matter how uncomfortable, or challenging, at some point mature adults have to talk about their differences and seek to resolve them peaceably in ways that make us better, wiser people. I detest (and I mean detest) people who do wrong things and cannot own their mistakes, apologize and grow up. I do not suffer people lightly who cause drama, then exit out, leaving others to clean up their mess or to have other left holding the emotional baggage of the wounds they have caused. Find out how people resolve conflicts before you get attached to them or in business dealings with them.”
I hope this information will help you move forward in all your relationships with a better mutually understanding of common respect, compassion, and fellowship. The kind this world desperately needs!
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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