I am a huge fan of the television show Shark Tank. It's so inspirational to see individuals, many of whom have sacrificed everything, create their own business to follow their Passion and Purpose in life. It takes real chutzpah, especially in these already uncertain times, to throw such caution to the wind, stand apart from the crowd, and courageously say, "Here I am world. It's time to shine my light!" It's much safer to shrink back into darkness, let the Monkey Mind loose, and live in the murkiness of what Emerson declared "the life of quiet desperation." Trust me, I have shunned the calling of my own soul for YEARS, and it ain't a pretty path. Just ask my family, friends, therapist; heck, I bet even my dogs would've chimed in saying such a long haul is less than 'Paw-fect'!
So why do we do it? How come so many of us refuse to act on the yearning of our heart and Soul, preferring to trade our mental and physical well being for a healthy paycheck instead. Because each of us is a unique emanation of Universal energy, our individual stories are just as special. I will, however, share parts of mine, in the hope that it may shed some understanding toward what you have or may STILL be going through.
My two biggest passions in life are spiritual based self actualization and what I now call "The Power of Story". I used to say the second was film or mass media, but I have come to acknowledge that the connection I truly had to those verticals was the authentic illumination of understanding that they could represent. These two delightful accoutrements of my soulful interest have taken me down an ...interesting... path of possible life callings the last two decades. You may need a map and a scoresheet to keep track, but here goes!
I started my career as a television sports producer and writer for the now defunct George Michael Sports Machine on NBC out of Washington, DC. (NO, not THAT George Michael!) This was way before ESPN and their nightly SportsCenter became a nightly staple for millions. I often got in trouble for turning in nightly scripts that were MUCH too long for a 7 minute sports broadcast. But I couldn't help it. Even then, I was much more intrigued by the Hero's Journey of the athletes, even within the construct of a single game, than I was in just reporting of the stats. So I was given a stint in front of the camera, as the weekend sports anchor for a station out near Annapolis, MD. But 80 hour work weeks that eradicated any sense of a personal life put an end to that career track after three years. But I knew I was onto something. I couldn't quite put my finger on it so early in my journey, but I sensed I was at least on a semblance of the right ‘playing field’. Even after that exhausting experience, I still had an intense pull toward the world of media. It was somehow in my DNA, and my heart pumped its essence through my veins. So when I next received a call from a temp agency about a new TV show called 'Building America' based in the Washington, DC area, that was looking for a salesperson/producer hybrid, I took the bait!
Over the next few years I received my ‘MBA’ walking through the office doors of such high tech luminaries as Steve Case (AOL) and Larry Ellison(Oracle). I was responsible for the launch of the West Coast version of the show on an ABC affiliate in San Francisco, California. Our show was edited into three segments that each highlighted an up and coming high tech company in Silicon Valley. This was in the mid-90's mind you, so it was an absolute fertile hotbed of companies that would go on to revolutionize the world. I felt so lucky at the time to be in the middle of such trailblazing energy. Just walking down the street, you could sense the excitement!
But, at the end of each long day, I would come back to my apartment in San Mateo, and .... sulk. The self judgement was off the charts. I should have been ecstatic; a 25 year old living in San Fran mingling with the juggernauts of the time. But something wasn't right. And I knew it.
Being so close to LA, the Myth making capital of the world, was tough. I dreamed of writing screenplays, and telling stories that could emotionally move people to laughter and tears. My self-conflicted ways were short-lived, as a rather large dispute between my boss and me ended with job loss and my ass back on a plane to DC. Dejected, frustrated, and completely lost, my body became a petri dish of Dis-Ease, and I spent the greater part of the next two years in and out of hospitals having my entire colon removed from an extreme Crohn's flair-up. Yeah, the next time you feel sorry for yourself, think about what life could be like if you spent it pooping in a bag tied to your hip!! I'm not kidding! Thank goodness for modern medicine, as I eventually had a resection of the first surgery performed that left me 'sans' colostomy bag! WHEW!!!! Let me just say wearing such a contraption does not have the ladies singing, "Some day....... my prince will come!" Just sayin'.......
As tough as that two year period may have been, it was also one of the greatest periods of my life. There is nothing like coming face to face with your own mortality in your mid 20's, to truly wake you up to something deeper. In fact, it was during one particular long stint in the hospital that my true SPIRITUAL JOURNEY began. One of my best friends came by for a visit and carried in his hand a copy of the book The Celestine Prophecy. Now at this point, I had not eaten food for almost 40 days, so of course my first initial thought was “I wonder if I can eat it!!” No, seriously... lol
After a nice visit, he handed the book to me and said, "I think you are ready for this!" Barry was the same friend, who in our early teens, was often told by me that he didn't have to worry about going to purgatory when he died, because I would pray for him. Yes, I was a good Catholic boy then and he was Jewish. Barry always knew that I had a deep seeded desire for spiritual growth, and the gesture was his way of showing me 'the way'.
That night I opened the book and...... something MAGICAL happened. For perhaps the very first time in my life, I felt REAL CONNECTION. The story that unfolded as I lavishly turned the pages felt like.....I WAS HOME! And life would never be the same!!
When I was finally well enough to leave the hospital ~and my colon~ behind, I drove straight to this enchanting place called a book store~wink~. I brought along that copy of the Celestine Prophecy with me and walked straight over to the help desk. “Where can I find this particular book?”, I asked with extreme anticipation. The employee walked me over to the back section of the store and pointed. I grabbed a shopping cart, wheeled it over to the bookcase, and started shoveling one book after another into the basket! It was literally my version of FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!!!
It would take me another TWENTY YEARS of starts and stops, (Including stints in NY, LA, and Atlanta) detours and YIELD signs, before I FINALLY hit absolute rock bottom and decided it was now my time to shine. And thus THE NEW AGE NERD was born!! But boy at times did it hurt. I mean soul crushing, heart shattering pain! Loss and trauma and failure, OH MY!! Such is the price we pay for a MIRACLE that is looking to be born. As many women can attest, the birthing process is an arduous one. Unfortunately, most of us will continue on their current path~~ until the pain of staying put exceeds the fear of the unknown.
Let's keep it real- The Hero's Journey is NOT for the faint of heart. To hear the ringing of the phone line from the soul and have the courage to pick it up and say "I am here, ready and willing!" takes cajones. No wonder it takes so long for many of us to take the leap. It means stepping out of what you know, your proverbial comfort zone. AND, perhaps more scary than THAT, it means becoming VULNERABLE. Letting others see who you really are. Petrifying stuff, right!?! But one thing I know for sure, once you do answer that call, there is NO GOING BACK........ And, the feeling you do receive after the transformation toward your calling is one of the most DELECTABLE, soul enriching imaginable!!
In future posts I will flesh out more of this story, but for now, may I suggest this; heed these words from Jesus the Christ. "If you bring forth what is inside you, what you bring forth will save you. If you don't bring forth what is inside you, it will DESTROY you."
Or, you just may end up with your colon in a jar!!
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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