Six years ago, I was absolutely racked and consumed by both GUILT and SHAME. And let me tell you from personal experience, it is an absolutely lethal emotional combination. In fact, it sent me into a depression that threatened to ‘undo’ much of the progress I had made over the previous 20 years from the type of deep soul searching and acceptance of my life's experiences that uncovered my North Star. My true purpose and spiritual calling that caused me to manifest into this Earthly experience. Unfortunately, our collective consciousness tends to lump these two VERY DIFFERENT vibrational emotions into one single group, which is problematic and incredibly destructive to say the very least.
Thankfully, I was able to stop my own nose dive, all ‘Top Gun’ style with the remembrance of the very distinct difference between these two feelings. And it was this gift in TRUTH along with an immense side helping of GRATITUDE that put me right back on track toward the miraculous path that was being put out before me; a spiritual ceremony of coming back to my Superhero's Journey! But not before I suffered needlessly through many sleepless nights and bouts of anxiety that shook me to the core.
As I continue my coaching practice, it has become increasingly clear that I am attracting clients who are racked with very similar situations So let's just say the topic of this cannibalistic combo of GUILT and SHAME has been coming up with increasing intensity the last few weeks. We teach and preach that which we need to learn ourselves, so it makes sense. But NOTE TO SPIRIT- I'm ready to preach about the proper handling of love and abundance... Just sayin'! LOL I'm kidding...Kinda! :0)
So for those of you who are dealing with this excruciating experience of emotions, I would like to help you remember the difference between the two and how ONE of these can actually be of great benefit to you personal growth! Take a deep breath, and let's dig in!
First and foremost, let me remind you of a very profound spiritual principle that is often a challenge to understand and accept; yet it is crucial to do so! That being, YOU CANNOT MAKE A MISTAKE. That's right, it's Universal Law. Now before your inner monologue starts to go all manic trying to get your head wrapped around this concept, let me give some more tangible context on this principle. We make decisions in the moment based on what we believe to be the best choice given the combination of our options at the time and our individual needs and thoughts surrounding our current circumstances. That DOES NOT mean that our actions don't sometimes cause horrible consequences, painful experiences for others, and damage to our lives and the lives that our actions affect. I know that this is a very difficult Universal law to grasp, especially given the horrendous actions that we have been forced to witness in the past few years, from Columbine to Orlando. And I am in NO WAY condoning those acts of brutal violence and hate. And these are EXTREME cases of course, but they inevitably come up when this concept is introduced to any individual or group. The point I am trying to clarify is that there are a plethora of internal, external, societal, and familial beliefs and patterns that inform the decisions we make at any given time. This is VERY IMPORTANT to remember. Bottom line, we do the very best we can in the moment in time we make any decision.
Guilt you see, is the feeling of remorse or regret that contradicts our own personal values. And Guilt can actually be used in a myriad of constructive manners to help us change some of our more dysfunctional patterns or belief systems that no longer serve us. It's a marvelous tool to use in conjunction with a DO OVER (I wrote a post about DO OVERS a few weeks ago that you can refer back to if you like!) to make more informed, mature and healthy actions!
Shame on the other hand is the 'Devil's Mistress!' Just a nasty emotion and a feeling that can slowly eat away at your core sense of SELF. “Beast be gone, I say!” I love Bene Brown's explanation of this parasitic emotional virus and its cohort. “Based on my research and the research of other shame researchers, I believe that there is a profound difference between shame and guilt. I believe that guilt is adaptive and helpful – it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort.
I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.
I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous.” BRILLIANT!
I like to say that GUILT is feeling bad about that which we have said or done, and SHAME is the illusionary believe that WE ARE THAT WHICH WE HAVE DONE. It causes us to mistakenly believe that we ourselves are not worthy, unlovable, and there is something wrong with us. YUCK! Do you see the ginormous difference between the two? And since we now understand that we cannot make a mistake, there is no reason for us to believe that 'WE ARE' that which we have done or said. We live in such a SHAME filled society that along with loneliness, I deeply believe it is one of the great destructive epidemics facing our collective consciousness. And this habit of SHAMING has got to stop!!
I ask all New Age Nerds to do our selves and one another a favor starting right NOW! Be kind and compassionate to yourselves and everyone whose path you cross. Help those around you suffering from the malady of SHAME to remember to forgive themselves, for as Jesus the Christ said, “Forgive them father, for they know not what they do.” It's perfectly OK to reframe your SHAME into Guilt for learning and growth purposes, so long as you do not forget you are NOT that which you did or said. That type of thinking causes more depression and anxiety and self hatred than all the combined failed diets and relationships in the world!
Please remember, you are a perfect and unique emanation of SPIRIT. Here to spread your profound talents and gifts with the world. And there is NO THING you can do to change that! And if that doesn't give you cause for relief than I don't know much that will! :0)
BE SUPER HEROIC!
LOVE-SERVE-INSPIRE
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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