HOW To LET GO Of The TOXIC People In Your LIFE...!

 

~~  Jordan Belfort  (THE WOLF OF WALL STREET)

____________________________________________________________________________

For those of us on a path of SELF realization, who awake each morning and with great courage and strength, step forth into the daily process of committing to our life's PURPOSE, the villainous forces of unconsciousness we must confront can often be quite overwhelming.  And without some much needed self preservation techniques, the amalgam of such dastardly destructive energy can cloud our truth, and steer us completely off course of our set GPS. (Grand Purpose from Spirit)

The number of recent conversations I have engaged with coaching peers and clients whose lives are being unnecessarily complicated and painfully damaged with TOXIC energy from a cacophony of individuals is off the charts.  And by TOXIC, I am referring to those Souls who vibrate at various caustic levels of jealousy, shame, judgement, and are in turn controlling, manipulative and disrespectful.   It is by far the biggest area for change and ‘renewed opportunity’ I am currently experiencing for those of us attempting to be greater Connoisseurs of Consciousness. 

And I have not been immune to this infectious epidemic that if left unchecked, often leads to depleted connection to your SUPER HEROIC HIGHER SELF.  And can corrode the remembrance of the infinite spiritual source that is your true essence. I will humbly admit to succumbing to the mental, emotional, and spiritual pain that settles into your mind's eye when refraining from removing such toxicity from your life; it can be completely devastating. And, recently,  it has wrecked some Heavenly Havoc within this New Age Nerd's noggin'.  Isn't it absolutely amazing how much work it takes to climb a few steps up the ladder of spiritual awareness, and how quickly we can fall back down through the triggers of toxicity brought upon by others.

While I was studying Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica, our professors were fervent in their declaration that at a core spiritual level ‘nobody can DO anything to you.’ (They were referencing your emotional disposition)  If you become triggered by the way someone engages you, they are actually showing you an area in your own heart that still needs to be tended to; an area where LOVE, care, and compassion can be applied to assist in healing a prior wound.  The fact that you were painful triggered is proof positive that there is still work to do around that ‘issue.’  And to a certain extent, I think there is a great deal of value in reframing/transcending certain painful engagements using this paradigm.  I am not saying we should budget money from our weekly paychecks for tidy ‘THANK YOU’ cards for these individuals and our engagements with them. However, I have learned to be hyper vigilant when being emotionally triggered as a guidepost for my self actualization to do list!

However, since us New Age Nerds practice GROUNDED SPIRITUALITY, one of our core tenets is NOT to vibrate in states that are ABSOLUTE in nature.  And so why I accept the understanding that others TOXICITY can often assist us in uncovering areas of growth that still need attention, I also believe there are times when we must constructively engage this destructive energy and the individuals in our lives who deliver it.  ESPECIALLY for those of us who are teachers, healers, coaches, and artists.  Our greatest strength and gifts come imbued within our extreme sensitivity and we must be especially vigilant in our own well being and self preservation.  

So here are some SUPER HEROIC TIPS for how to handle the TOXIC people in our lives, so that we can continue on our Superhero's Journey with more inner peace, grace and self love.

1.  SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

Believe it or not, we actually teach people how we want to be treated during each and every interaction with them.  In fairness to them, until we compassionately communicate how their ‘antics’ affect our emotionally well being, they may have NO idea.  So the very FIRST time that someone behaves in a manner that makes you shrink, feel less than, or is hurtful in some way, it is ultra important to tell them how you feel.  I know, I know!  Easier said than done.  I get it!  But what is the more productive manner.  To have that potentially sticky and awkward conversation, or to say nothing and have to deal with these hurtful behaviors over and over again.  

2.  TAKE INVENTORY OF WHO THE TOXIC PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE ARE

We often allow certain toxic relationships in our life to continue because we have become conditioned that the dynamic of co-creation with them is commonplace.  The negative space created becomes our ‘NORM.’  This is why it is incredibly important to take stock of how we FEEL after spending time with the people in our life.  And I am NOT referring to 'ONE OFFS.'  Life is messy and complex and we all have certain times where, well, shit just happens.   Having a couple of  experiences with someone where we feel emotionally drained or challenged afterwards is natural and an organic part of human interaction. But, if you discern that most of the time, having a co-creation with someone results in you feeling unheard, less than, manipulated, or just plain tired, it may be time to do something about it.

3.  IT'S OK TO LOVE SOME PEOPLE FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM

After taking inventory of the people in our life, we are often left with a SELF empowering decision.  Are there some people who you have compassionately and with great understanding decided should not continue to be in your life.  NOT because we are placing judgement of any sort upon them.  But rather because the cumulative affect they are having on our emotional well being is just too TOXIC.  Perhaps they don't hold you in the same reverential light that you hold yourself.  Or they are trying to keep you playing small, so they don't feel as bad about not playing LARGE themselves.  

What would it look like to start loving them ‘from the other side of the room?’  Did you notice I said LOVE them from the other side of the room?!  That's the secret spiritual sauce in this action of SELF LOVE.

You are not banishing them to the Phantom Zone.  And you are still holding them in a complete space of reverence and non judgment.  You have just decided that having their disruptive energy in your life is not serving you anymore.  Hopefully, this knowingness will help remove any sense of guilt/shame you may have by your decision.  

4. LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT OF THE BALD EAGLE

There are a litany of reasons the bald eagle has been the national bird of the United States since 1782; well before that, it was the symbol of governmental power during Roman times. (For the fully fleshed out, unbelievable story of the life of the bald eagle, please type in the word eagle in the left tool bar on this blog's main page.) 

The bald eagle is the ONLY bird that senses a storm coming and instead of flying down to hide safely amongst the trees, it actually chooses to fly through the storm until it reaches high ABOVE it. It cares not what any other bird is doing nor does it concern itself with trying to 'fit in with the crowd.'  

As Rev. Bernard Beckwith used to espouse at Agape church in Los Angeles, “When you decide to leave the crows and fly with the eagles, you must leave all that you know behind.  And on the way up above the clouds where these eagles soar, there will be many moments when you become fraught with loneliness and fear.”  Your first thought will always be to fly back down to the crows that you know will always be there.  DO NOT DO THAT!  One of the differences that separates those who accomplish MAGNIFICENT things in life from those that do not is that despite the fear and worry, they never stopped flying up to meet with the eagles!  Your faith will be tested during this journey!  Trust me for this I know all to well!  For a while you will feel all alone and believe you have made a grave mistake.  This is nothing more than a cleansing process of everything that no longer serves you.  A ‘Spiritual Scrubbing Off’ so that a new foundation can be built. One that is big enough to now handle the grand new blazing vision you are holding for yourself!  All so you will be able to build and create that MAGNIFICENT MANSION of abundance, LOVE, peace, joy, and creativity filled with the smells of fantastic friendships and many majestic memories that makes life worth living!

Thought leader Jim Rohn has declared as one of his basic mantras (based in scientific evidence) that, “We become the average of the five people we spend the most time.”  And that includes our financial status, self growth progress, and every other pertinent part of the templates that together constitute who we are being and doing with our lives!  Why else do you think the Avengers are so AMAZING!   :0)

Think about that for a moment.  And figure out who those five people currently are in your life. And please understand, this is in no way, shape or form meant to be a judgment on anyone. Including yourself!  It's just a sign of what I call the 'ISNESS of where you currently are resonating in your life's Super Heroic Journey.  You picked those five people for a reason.  It's up for you to decide if you are ready to “up your game” and let go of anyone in your core circle who is toxic, or is not interested in self growth; either yours or theirs.  Whether you realize it or not, they may be holding YOU back from becoming ALL YOU CAME HERE TO BE!  That's right!  And I ain't joking!   This is serious stuff......

So do yourself a favor and do a heartfelt gut check on your current Tribe members.  How do you FEEL after having co-creations with them?  Do you feel more or less energized?  Do they support the greatest vision you are holding for yourself?  Or do they desire to hold you back so they won't feel bad about not having the courage to step out of their own doubts and fears to build the life of their dreams?  Because you may discover you have to let some of them go.  And as awful as that may sound, please remember that it is completely OK to let others go!  All you are really doing is deciding to LOVE them from the other side of the room.  Once again, you are in NO judgement of them. For that serves absolutely no one!  But that does not mean you have to be a martyr by keeping people who have no business being in your life as a member of your Tribe.  Even though it may not feel like it at first, there are an abundant of Spirits in this world who would be honored to call you friend, and support you in every manner you could possible conceive!  It's your job to be in ALLOWANCE of them into your life.......

The Universe abhors a vacuum and it is part of its natural law to eventually flood your existence to FILL IN the space that you created by letting go of the unhealthy people in your life......

BE SUPER HEROIC!
BE LOVE - SERVE ALL - INSPIRE ALWAYS

Nerdmaste,

Jeffrey Louis Martinez