My childhood was fraught with feelings of utter disillusionment. And pangs of painful events that imprinted on my spiritual psyche a blueprint filled with the deep held belief that LOVE had to be earned. And perhaps even worse, the idea that CARE and COMPASSION were available only through chaos and struggle. My birth father abandoned our family when I was a toddler and I always felt it was all my fault! Quite a load for such tiny shoulders to bare. It's no wonder that I developed a horrendous case of abandonment issues. It got so bad, that as a first grader, I would take the bus to our elementary school about a mile from our home. While the other kids on the bus were keen on a full day of fun first grade activities, I had a COMPLETELY different agenda! As the bus pulled up to the entrance to the 1st through 3rd grade wing of the school, I was in full spy mode. Surveying the area for any administrators in the vicinity who could possibly thwart my well devised plans!
As the bus doors opened, we all got up, one row at a time, and exited the vehicle to make the preverbal "straight line" that marks the tenets of first grade Heroes in Training. As soon as the bus had emptied, our 'line leader' would start us walking toward the door adjacent to our classroom just inside the building. I made sure to keep a low profile, all the while still scouting the area for potential school personnel. There was a Gi-normous bush just to the left of the entrance of the building. And just as I approached this leafy refuge, with a spry agility, I would jump right into the back of the bush with nothing less than a whisk of air left in my wake!
I would watch all the other kids as they dutifully entered the school door for the day. My wrist watch was synchronized with the school bell that rang promptly at 8:15. Still in complete stealth mode, I peered through the small openings in between this oversized bushy plant until I saw the very last of the school's attendants leave their assigned posts to go back into the school to teach their students. For safe measures, I waited an extra two minutes and then walked out from behind my hidden haven as though it was my god given right and preceded to walk the mile back to my house! Back pack in tow, my steps were filled with a steely sense of confidence that usurped any feelings of guilt or wrongdoing. Until I reached my final destination, in which I knew my tiny tush was in danger, in the form of my mother who stayed at home during the days! To be fair, although she was obviously beyond frustrated with me, her care and deep concern far outweighed her wrath.
She knew my real intention for this ritual (I did this on 27 different occasions) was rooted in a deep trauma filled fear of being abandoned; once again. I had been extremely close to my father and his leaving the family had affected me on every level. Mind, body, and spirit. Not to mention the crippling guilt that I carried surrounding the 'Story' I had cemented into my mind-set. That being 'Not Good Enough', nor worthy of anyone's LOVE. To compound things, we were actually living with my mom's sister and there were many Shakespearean worthy dynamics that were played out in sometimes horrific detail on a daily basis. Without going into great detail (That's for another time!), the entirety of the situation made for a Perfect Storm of strife and struggle that left me deeply scarred with wounds of the wicked kind!
Fortunately, together with the school's psychology expert, we were able to find a solution to my daily jaunts back to 'Home Base'. During the first half of each school day, I was actually put to work in the school's front office. Doing everything from mail sorting, to filing paper work. Yes, as a first grader, I was blessed with skill sets FAR beyond my biological age! This helped keep my mind off of any dysfunctional thoughts and onto the tasks at hand! (looking back, I should have asked for a raise dang it!!) ;0)
Unfortunately, the residual imprinting from my childhood experiences followed me like a thief for the next 30 years of my life. Robbing me of healthy relationships, and causing me to repeat past patterns that kept me taking two steps forward, one step back in most of my chosen endeavors. Deep in my Soul, I know that while I don't feel responsible for any of the various physical manifestations I developed (Crohn's Dis-ease for instance), I understand that it didn't help my body to be out of spiritual alignment for so long. How could it?!?
After having the horrific experience of having my colon removed (Thank god I no longer have to wear that colostomy bag!), I felt a deep yearning to leave the Washington, D.C. area and head back to my birthplace of Los Angeles! And so that is exactly what I did. And looking back, what a magical blessing that decision turned out to be. For it was there that I started on a spiritual path of healing my body, mind, and SPIRIT! Back then, the West Coast was a much more open minded space of all things metaphysical. And I basked in its energy! I started devouring books that had anything to do with spiritual growth, personal mind-sets, and metaphysical laws of the Universe. I literally could not get enough. My treasured bevy of books grew to over 300! Many I re-read several times over to gain as much knowledge and wisdom from the Spiritual Masters that had gone before me. I even enrolled in a Master's in Spiritual Psychology program at the University of Santa Monica.
Slowly, I began to heal from my childhood traumas. But holy moley, did it take a lot of commitment, dedication, and hard fought perseverance. Bottom line, IT WAS NOT EASY! There were some days in which I felt I had left my demons in the dust. Only to be triggered the next day and being flooded once again with feelings of 'Less Than' and 'Not Lovable'. I learned that like anything else worth doing in life, the healing process takes time. But it is OH SO WORTH IT! If anyone requires a Testimonial, give them my number..... ;0) (Actually, email will do just fine!) LOL
After a decade on the Left Coast, I retuned to my childhood home of Washington, D.C. I felt a disturbance in the Force. Like Luke Skywalker leaving his home planet of Tatooine, I felt like my time in LA had served its purpose and I was needed elsewhere. And boy did Spirit send me in the right direction. For during the next five years, my sister's son was diagnosed with Autism, and my father developed a deadly form of brain cancer. And my being back at home allowed me to Be of Loving Service for both of them! Not to mention the rest of our family. What a blessing that was bestown upon me and my family! There was NO other place I would have chosen to be. I was able to assist in the development of my Godson who has since been able to overcome many of the life challenges that come as a result of Autism and is now a bright shining Super Hero of his 7th grade class! And I was able to care for my father(step dad but he is just DAD to me) as he fought his cancer valiantly for well over a year. I was able to hold his hand and look him square in his beautiful blue eyes as he took his very last breathe. I even felt his soul entering back into the space of heavenly energy that accompanies each of our eventual transition from our physical state.
It was after his passing, that I committed myself to being a Spiritual Teacher and a Hero's Coach for the masses. I had known for over 20 years that my true CALLING was to be of service by assisting others in awakening into their true POWER. And the Re-membrance that they have a Super Heroic Version of their Higher Self that is a Miracle Making Machine!! Because if there is one thing this World needs right now, IT IS MORE HEROES!! Wouldn't you agree with me ?!?! I had resisted the Call long enough. So this time, I picked up the soulful ringtone that I had put on hold time and time again!
But the Spiritual Secret Sauce to my own transformation toward awakening my own Inner Hero was in creating a NEW ORIGIN story for myself. Through my dedication to self growth, I began to look at my entire life through a different filter. A brand new perspective. Rather than feelings of abandonment, I shifted my Mind-Set toward one that allowed me to see my father's leaving as a GIFT. Because I never would have met my new DAD had he stayed. And Roger Lee Poston was the closest thing to a Super Hero that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting! He taught me how to live life from the perspective of Love and Service. Always and in all ways! He showered me with heavy helpings of true non-judgement and compassion. Not to mention introducing me to everything Nerd Culture (Movies, comic books, videos games, pinball etc.) and sports!! I miss you dearly POPS!!
I have been able to transcend any limiting beliefs or feelings of "NOT ENOUGH" into complete GRATITUDE for all my life's challenges. For each of them taught me how to be a Wounded Healer. And a Spiritual Teacher and coach. I have learned how to transform my pain and fears into my ultimate POWER. For both myself and others!! As Carl Jung said, "The doctor is effective only when he himself is affected. Only the wounded physician heals."
Jung believed that a malady of the soul could be the best possible form of training for a Healer. The pains and burdens one bears and eventually overcomes is the source of great wisdom and healing power for others. And from my experience, I could not agree more!
I like to say I have gone down the 'Buffet Line of Life.' I have been able to taste a bevy of pretty much everything life has to offer in the form of challenges, trials, and tribulations. And I feel like the luckiest man in the world to have had every one of these experiences. Because they have made me both the man and teacher/coach that I have come to be!!
SUPERHEROES TRAINING TIPS:
1. CREATE A NEW ORIGIN STORY
All Heroes have an origin story. From Superman losing his entire planet and having to face the fear of starting life over on foreign ground with out any of his family. To Batman watching as his mother and father were brutally murdered right before his eyes. They were able to turn their Tragedy into their greatest Triumphs! Well guess what, YOU have an Origin Story too! And chances are it is NOT serving you in any way! Unfortunately, most of us Heroes see our past as a curse rather than a blessing. We carry our childhood traumas with us into our adult lives. And usually from an energetic state of Victim Consciousness! Reliving the same dysfunctional patterns time and time again. With declarations such as Poor Me, Why Me, If only, I'm not good enough (Lord have I been THERE!), Self Loathing and Self Doubt, not to mention feelings of not deserving Love and Abundance in ALL its forms! Sound like you?!? If not, Fanfrickintastic!! Your Hero pin and t-shirt is in the mail!! ;0) For the rest of you, there is work to be done!!
2. START BY WRITING DOWN YOUR PERSONAL 'STORY' BUT FROM A NEW PERSPECTIVE.
Start this process by FORGIVING YOURSELF for having these Past Thoughts Until You can Move Into a State of Self Love!
Literally start from your earliest memories and begin to write down the 'NEW Story of Your Life.' But refrain from seeing these events from your past perspective. The Stories we tell ourselves about our past become the coming attractions of what is still to come. And I really don't think you want THAT!!
While writing, concentrate on just how the past painful experiences of your life have actually proven to be Blessings rather Curses. Start learning to ACCEPT them rather than reliving them in your mind. Acceptance frees you to transcend these story based thoughts and start to see them in a state of GRATITUDE!! (Just like the Gift and Miraculous Blessing of my father's abandonment) In your writing, it is vital to transcend such limiting beliefs in a manner that you can actually now see your past challenges as nothing less than Gifts of service to yourself and others. Start 'connecting the dots' of your life. Look for the patterns that keep showing up. This will shine a light on the areas of trauma that still need healing! If looked at through the lens of OPPORTUNITY, the things you once thought as misfortune, were perfectly placed in you path to Propel You Forward!! If you are having great challenges doing this, stop and pray. Ask Spirit for guidance and Wisdom to see the Truth behind your pain! Then quiet your mind and listen. You will be shown the answers. PROMISE!!
You've suffered enough! It's time for transcendence and TRANSFORMATION! By creating a New Origin Story, you can start living from a state of Christ Consciousness and NOT Victim Consciousness. Because the past stories you have been programming your mind to believe, are powerful forms of RESISTANCE! Resistance is the arch enemy of the Subconscious Mind; The Powerhouse of our Abundance Making Machine!! Is it any wonder that the exact same things keep popping up in your life year after year! Well, it's a brand new year, and 'Times, They Are a Changin'!"
Commit to using this year to both create and live from your New State of Power!! Because if you knew how POWERFUL you truly are, there is absolutely NOTHING you would be afraid of!! And dreaming BIG would be your new mantra......... And So It Is!!!
BE SUPER HEROIC!
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
No comments:
Post a Comment