“When we say things like ‘people don't change’ it drives scientists crazy. Because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy, matter, it's always changing....morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were rather than letting them be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of making new ones. The way we insist on believing, despite every scientific indication, that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change, that's up to us. It can feel like death, or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment, we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.”
~~ Meredith (Grey's Anatomy)
“You're MAD, bonkers....off your head. But I will tell you a secret. All The Best People Are.”
~~ Charles Kingsleigh (Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland)
There seems to be an epidemic of GI-normous proportions that threatens to eradicate much of the beauty, growth, and unlimited potential amongst us. Climate change you ask?! Damn straight, but that's for another, much longer post! ;0) No, what I am referring to is the potent grip and searing strangle hold other people's THOUGHTS and OPINIONS seem to have over our own lives. I am seeing it cause real pain and confusion. Not to mention depression and anxiety. WAY too many of us playing small fearing the judgement of others. Dreams and aspirations being crushed BEFORE they had a chance to flourish. And in this wake, risk taking has become a foreign language taught in a classroom of unknown origins!
Since I have absolutely NO desire to live in a house of glass, let me say I have not been immune to this toxic torrent. In fact, I once became so affected by the aggregate thoughts of the masses following a gut wrenching experience, that I left a graduate program that I was DEEPLY passionate about. Yuperoo! I think that's why I decided to dedicate today's post toward the subject. Take it from me, the consequences of not addressing this issue and the manner it is playing out in YOUR life can be quite substantial. And it isn't like things are going to get any easier to manage down the road. Hello, social media!! Let's face the TRUTH, this brave new world brought on by technology and it's infusion in our daily lives has made it imperative to incorporate the practice of blocking out the negative ‘CHATTER’ from the unconsciousness that surrounds us!
This topic brings to mind a wonderful exchange of dialogue I once witnessed on an old episode of Oprah's ‘Super Soul Sunday’. She was talking with her guest when the topic of ‘worrying about what others think’ popped up. Oprah shot up in her chair and espoused, “If you care about what other people are thinking about you, they end up OWNING you. And slavery done ended 150 years ago!” True dat!
In many ways, we must not forget to offer ourselves compassion for this malady that affects us all at some point. Re-member, our primal ancestors were absolutely dependent on their tribes for survival and a poor ‘likability score’ often meant the difference between life and death. Five days with no shelter and brontosaurus burgers saved for the ‘In Crowd’ caused a need and desire to be deeply liked. So your genes still have whispers of an ancestral core where status was essential and fitting in was a requirement for your well being! Why else would Barney put up with so much from Fred?!!? lol
Thankfully, we have come a LONG way since the days of T-Rex and his cohorts. While our current times are still challenging, our desires for survival and reproduction are no longer fraught with nearly the same type of daily struggle. Which means there is NO reason for us to continue being in allowance of the pressure to meld with the masses in the never-ending attempt of expending endless amounts of time and energy on valuing WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT US.
So here are a few suggestions of things that can help free up your precious effort and energy toward things that really matter. Endeavors that give us more SELF worth and LOVE, courage, and the inner fortitude to face our PURPOSE with verve and gusto!
1 - Don't Make Assumptions
2 - Don't Take Anything Personally
I am borrowing the first two suggestions from my brother in TRUTH, Don Miguel Ruiz and his brilliant book ‘The Four Agreements’. Further fleshing out rule number one, past the making an ‘ASS’ out of you and me template, Ruiz explains, “Find the courage to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstanding, sadness, and drama.” Nobody is a mind reader, so it is super important that we let others know what we are thinking. And co-creating a space for others to feel safe to communicate their TRUTH back to us. I constantly assure my friends when I feel they are writing a script in their head for a movie that is NEVER going to be ‘greenlit’ for production. Misunderstanding is one of the biggest issues we humans face. Heck, they made a WHOLE show out of it in ‘Three's Company’. And I doubt the Regal Beagle is still around to drink away your pain and sorrow from worrying about something that probably isn't TRUTH anyway!
As for not taking anything personally, I believe this is perhaps the most POWERFUL tip in protecting yourself from the needless suffering that often accompanies our obsessive habit of allowing the words of others to affect us in negative ways. As Ruiz also states, “Nothing others do is because of YOU. What others say and do is a projection of THEIR own reality, their dream.” Amen! Nuff said!
3- Start small if need be. Don't not care at all, just care LESS.
Again, I will be the first to admit that freeing yourself from the oppressive nature of external opinions is not easy. Like so many other Spiritual principles, it is a process and takes practice. Letting go of a long entrenched behavior is not going to happen overnight. I am a huge believer in setting yourself up for success, not failure. So start small. Set bite size goals to achieve. And reward yourself when you see momentum forward toward even individual moments when you staved off the vitriol or judgments of others.
4- Practice BEING Self Confident
Unfortunately, there are many folks clouded with their own unconsciousness, and they feed off of making themselves feel BIG by making you feel SMALL. Don't let these emotional vampires sink their teeth into ANY part of you! Get into the habit of doing things that allow the feeling of confidence to bubble up deep within your core ESSENCE. Super hero posing, recalling past proud accomplishments, or listening to music that ‘PUMPS you up’ are all things you might try. Anything that makes you rock those pearly whites and stand taller will work wonders! Start walking with the motto, ‘Things in life DON'T happen to me. I HAPPEN to things!’ Even subtle shifts in core energy can do wonders in how others treat you! TRUST.....!
May these suggestions bring you closer to a life FREE of the imprisonment of your mind, and the needless anxiety, pain, and suffering that comes from the opinions of others! Life is so short, please do not waste precious moments on worrying about what anyone else thinks about you. At the end of the day, it is NONE of your business anyway! Cause that NOISE is all about THEM! ;0)
To Living a BLISSED OUT LIFE !!
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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