Six weeks ago I accepted a full time consulting opportunity with a media company less than two miles from where I live. I am still building my coaching business and thought this was a wonderful opportunity to gain some extra money to assist in the many aspects of fiscal necessities that come along with building any new self built occupational endeavor. However, at the same time, the acceptance of this offer was contradictory to a promise I had made to myself that in 2018 I would NOT go back to corporate America, but rather make the necessary sacrifices (part time work etc.) to be laser focused on The New Age Nerd and bringing it to the next level of prosperity. I know that the bigger my company becomes means I am assisting more people to become the HEROES they were always meant to be.
The daily internal conflict I felt was starting to consume me and my self alignment. So last Monday I actually had a moment in which my PTSD roared its nasty head. As you might imagine, it was FAR from pleasant and I knew it was my body telling me that being in this position was causing DIS-EASE within my body. So I made the challenging decision to leave the company after just a month of employment.
And this incident/decision has caused reverberations that I expected, but NOTHING like what I could have ever imagined. Both family members and close friends have backed off and away from me. To be fair to them, the last three years I have had some incredulous mental and physical health challenges to overcome. And I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to stand by and watch me suffer through so many maladies. Probably something akin to a roller coaster full of unseen twists, turns, and horrifying drops. Needless to express, this past week has been so challenging in spiritual, mental, and physically psychic manners. I started doubting my decision and felt a whole heaping dose of SHAME and Self Judgement. Even though I have spent the better part of the past 20 years practicing self realization and growth, I am BY NO means immune to the emotional illusions of the EGO. Perhaps one day I will finally be able to say Lego my Ego, but not today. ;0)
I started praying to Spirit to give me the strength and perseverance to be worthy of my sufferings. And to give me the ability to overcome the shame that had started to dig its sharp teeth deep within my Soul. And for those of you who may doubt the true POWER OF PRAYER, what happened next was remarkable and absolutely AMAZING!!
On Sunday afternoon, I received a knock at the door. It was a young gentleman who I had started a friendship with almost ten years ago. He is a Jehovah Witness and when he first showed up on my doorstep oh so many years ago, rather than turn him away like so many of us do, I decided to hear him out and was truly surprised by how closely our spiritual beliefs were in alignment more than I would ever have conceived Our language and source material were not the same, but the basic tenets of our life intentions and beliefs about Love and Light were very close indeed.
So for the past decade, he has continued to show up at my door every six months or so, and we always have a very engaging and spiritually filled discussion. Yet on this day, he brought a message that changed my life forever. TRULY!!!
He actually came to say goodbye to me. I found out he had decided to up and leave Virginia for North Carolina. He preceded to tell me that some long time friends of his were in desperate need of assistance. His friend's wife had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was not able to take care of her children. The couple didn't have the funds to pay for the daily help they now desperately needed, so he decided to up and leave and move down to North Carolina to give them the help they so ardently deserved.
So I asked him if he had a paying job waiting for him or a game plan to assist him in making such a deeply HEARTFELT and selfless move. I even inquired if he was going by himself or had any family members in the area. And the entire time I was peppering him with caring questions (He is 15 years younger than me and I think I felt a little protective in the moment) his face NEVER wavered with an angelic smile and his body oozed of Faith and Knowingness. It was as if he had relinquished the illusionary outer shell of his earthy body and was standing before me in pure Heavenly form!!
I asked him if he was nervous about the move, and he patted the Bible he was holding in his right hand and said, "This is all the happiness and peace I need Jeff." I started to cry. It was as if he was an actual angel who transferred the KNOWINGNESS that had eluded me the past week and it filled my sullen Soul with a vibration of LOVE that is still undescribable!! ln that very instant, all forms of inner turmoil I had been feeling all week completely melted away! Self judgment seemed almost silly. And any sense of SHAME quickly became a relic of the past. I felt absolutely transformed on SO many levels.
Here I had been second guessing myself with moments of such PAIN and suffering, plus a feeling of constant shame the previous week. Worrying about what others were thinking about me. All because I decided to fully commit to my Hero's Journey. Yet, this young man had made a decision to up and leave everything and everyone he loved all to be of service. And he absolutely exuded not one thread of worry, doubt, or self judgment. He knew his CALLING and understood that as long as he followed his chosen path, he would be provided for in every and any way that he required. And I could sense that he could absolutely care less what ANYONE thought about him or his decision. In fact, I don't think I have ever been in the presence of a human being who was filled with as much peace and happiness as he was resonating.
Before he left I gave him a big hug and after he left. The clouds continued to dissipate. I no longer cared what anyone thought of me or my decisions. In fact, I started laughing that I had allowed myself to enter such a period of shame and self judgement. Those feelings were instantly replaced with self pride and courage, and strength. I wanted to climb to the top of my house and shout out to the world , "Spread the good word. I AM committed to being a servant of LOVE!!"
And the past three days, I have maintained a vibration of complete and utter BLISS!! Full of self confidence and LOVE and Divine Purpose ! And while I still hold all my family and friends in a space of love and forgiveness, there opinions and actions toward me no longer have ANY effect on my sense of inner peace! As Oprah Winfrey says, "You will only be truly free when you relinquish the thoughts and opinions of others toward you!" AMEN SISTER!!!
I decided to write today's post because I wanted to share with all my fellow New Age Nerds to Re-member that everything you want in life lies on the other side of FEAR! Fear of judgement, failure, or any sense of lack. And that we all must support one another towards our chosen CALLING with a sense of reverence and grace! For the world needs HEROES now more than ever!! HEROES who have the courage, faith, and support to follow their CALLING so that their unique and heaven sent talents can be shared with the world and assist in shifting our collective consciousness back toward LOVE!!
I will be holding a space of KNOWINGNESS, Strength, Courage , LOVE and Light for everyone who has made the commitment to follow their CALLING and help in changing the World!!
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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