Back in the early Spring of 1997, a rather torturous event changed the entire course of my life and things have NEVER been the same since!! For those who have not regularly followed my blog ,I had been diagnosed with a severe form of Crohn's disease years earlier. And let me tell ya, Crohn's disease is about as much fun a coming down a slide filled with razor blades and landing in a vat of lemon juice. LOL Yeah, it can be THAT bad. Technically speaking it is an autoimmune dis-ease that attacks your entire digestive system, from the throat down through the entire colon. When it attacks, it does so with a vengeance of hell bent proportion and causes those parts of your body to become inflamed with bleeding ulcers and extreme swelling. Not to mention the extreme nausea and share shooting pains throughout your entire gut. Told ya; not too much fun!
After battling this ailment for almost a decade, I finally succumbed to its grasp over me and was by my doctors I had but two options. One was too have emergency surgery to have my entire colon removed, or let things progress and die. (Most doctors don't have the best bedside manner. LOL)
My biggest fear in having the surgery was the possibility of having to spend the rest of my life wearing a colostomy bag. Nasty buggers that are permanently attached to the right side of your torso that allows your body to drain its excrement into a bag that must be cleaned and cared for up to ten times a day! Not exactly what a 27 year old wants to face for the rest of his life. And still being single, NOT exactly something that would be a top 10 Hit with the ladies if you follow my drift!! :0)
Of course it was a fairly easy choice between the two options before me and I elected to have surgery the following week. When I awoke from the 12 hour procedure, I had a 14 inch cut up my torso and a beautifully placed and pristinely clear colostomy bag hanging from my side. The next few weeks were absolutely horrendous. Dealing with a colostomy bag is nearly an all day affair. It must be emptied cleaned and cared for on average ten times a day. And each cleaning took on average ten to fifteen minutes! And you think YOU have problems. LOL
But I was BEYOND fortunate with my after surgery situation. My surgeons informed me of a fairly new procedure that would create a pseudo colon in my body using my own intestines that would relieve me of having to wear that dreaded colostomy bag. It only worked in less than 1/2 of patients it was performed on, but if I was willing to forego yet another operation, it was worth a shot. SIGN ME THE HELL UP!! LOL
Right before the second surgery began, my surgeons gave it to me straight and clean. If when I awoke the colostomy bag was gone, then it meant the surgery was a success. (NO more colostomy bag) If it was still there, then I would have to learn to become friends with it. Kinda like a family member you can't stand but are forced to deal on a daily basis.
Needless to say, when I initially woke up from the 8 hour surgery, I couldn't bare to look down at my lower torso. After ten minutes or so, I slowly ran my hand down the side of my chest, over my upper abdomen, and finally down toward where the colostomy bad lied. And...... tears began to stream down my face as the bag was NO LONGER THERE! The surgery had been a success. An for the next 17 years, I have had no after effects from the two laborious surgeries I was forced to endure.
Fast forward to last week. I woke up one morning and felt a jarring pain jettisoning from the right side of my abdomen. And then I felt a wave of nausea fall over me. I was absolutely paralyzed with fear. It was coming from the 14 inch scar that is still all too visible on my body.
I shot out of bed and ran to the bathroom, lifted up my shirt and saw two golfball size bulges in and around where the doctors had performed the incisional cuts. Out of fear, I dealt with the pain and nausea coming from my torso for about ten days until one day while walking to my office, I bent over in pain and knew I should head to the ER.
Several hours and one CT scan later, I was informed I had one tear(hernia) bellow my belly button, and two more large tears just waiting to happen on the left side and top of my belly button. I would need surgery to repair the situation ASAP!!! Aye dios mio!
On the drive home, I started having flashbacks to 1997. The nearly year long recovery time and inordinate amount of pain I had endured to get my weight and strength back. I mean, I had gone from 175 to 140 and for oh so many months life felt like an endurance test of power over pain. And I had just spent the last year on a new workout regime that had buffed me up to 210 pounds of muscle that I knew would melt away as I will not be able to go back to the gym for several months. I know that was my Egoistic side coming to surface, but DAMN, as the great spiritual teacher Ram Dass espoused after his stroke, "We are NOT just our bodies, but part of us are our bodies as we live in this dimension." Tears started to stream down my face as the flashbacks I had packed away DEEP within my consciousness resurfaced too quickly for me to fully comprehend. Part of me truly wanted to cancel the impending new operation and just deal with the pain and nausea as a Wounded Warrior. Seriously!
But then after allowing myself to process my feelings, I knew how much better I would feel post surgery and tried to ask Spirit for how I could turn this pain into power, this setback into my greatest comeback and share my Journey with others as INSPIRATION.
And as I mediated, I realized I had not been as diligent in my writing on my blog The New Age Nerd the last several months and that this was a catalyst to bring me the KNOWINGNESS that if even ONE precious Soul was being assisted on their Journey through my Inspirational writing that it was an endeavor worthy of re-commitiing my efforts towards.
So I put fingers to keyboard and was guided with the following words yesterday that I posted but am doing so a second time for those who may have not engaged its message. May it be a message of Re-membrance for those who are still in their own version of DARKNESS:
Through the moon lit night....
A single Path is now shown...
Dare I step onto its glowful glare...
For the destination is unknown...
I ask Spirit for Guidance and Strength...
As I take my first move into the Night...
Heavy are the thoughts of my mind...
An internal struggle to hide my Fright...
It is then that I Re-member...
That when our Journey is at its end....
We all forge a path and must go alone....
To those before me, much Love do I send.....
Night swept Fog now blinds my way....
A silent whisper like none before....
Asks for my utter Belief and Trust...
As I traverse this foreign shore..
My sight still betrays me...
Tho I surrender to this special voice...
And brave this dreamlike vision...
For I've learned the power of choice ...
We have many gifts to light our darkness..
Yet still so many lose their will...
Giving way to all their lifelong pain...
Shouting to heaven a powerful shrill....
Perhaps this night's Journey....
Will show me that our pain is power...
Perhaps forgotten along the way...
Inspiring others with this night's swept shower...
Is this the Purpose for my dreamlike state...
To assist in my Re-membering of why I came...
A Steward of conscious spiritual Light...
Teaching others that our Path we can reframe....
As I start the process of Knowingness...
The path ahead begins to clear....
My Hero's Journey illuminates this path...
And leaves me No Thing to Fear.....
Written by Jeffrey Louis Martinez
It is right about this time in my previous 400 posts that I share the teachings of other spiritual teachers who have traversed both Time and Space to share with you their Truth and Knowingness. But Not today. Why?!? Because like a JEDI in training, I have forged most of life's tests and have been bestown with the POWER of my own TRUTH and KNOWINGNESS to share with my Tribe!! Not that my various mentors teachings will not be continually shared with my fellow New Age Nerds, but I feel as though my current circumstances have forced a LIGHT of Truth to share with my TRIBE! My WISH is only that you TRULY listen to the callings that resonate with the individual JOURNEY that lies before you all. Your Spirit Guides will show you the way. Our current political leaders are NOT THE PROBLEM. WE ARE!!! There is No Thing that does not start from the top and flows downward into the abyss. Our leaders are simply the reflection of.........US!!!!
In my UNDERSTANDING, we will each be given not a test, but rather a CHOICE. A choice of EXACTLY what we DESIRE to experience in this dimension. And this choice RARELY comes at the time of our choosing!! It comes when the chips are down and there are two divergent paths to choose from. One will bring us all eternal salvation , and the other will bring us temporary Glory that leads to a bridge that surrenders and hinders us to our true ESSENCE. I forbid myself to tell you which offering to accept. However, I have the KNOWINGNESS that my TRIBE will understand that anything in this REALM is temporary. Yet the other path offers something that is all accepting of your previous misgivings and missteps and still accepts you JUST AS YOU ARE!!! It's all up to you.......Which path do you choose......?!?!?!?!?
As for me; on Wednesday morning I will once again forge the knife of this illusionary experience. Not because I have to, but because I CHOOSE to. It is part of my path and my own Hero's Journey! And until then, I will be holding a vigilant prayer of Light and Love to everyone in my New Age Nerd Tribe to assist them to brave their own path of pain and suffering. With the constant understanding that their FEAR will be used as a euphemism for Facing Everything And Rise!!
Facing your greatest FEARS is perhaps the most important part of our own Hero's Journey. In fact, I truly believe that this illusionary experience called Life holds its true revelations on the other side of our most heartfelt FEARS!! Each and everyone of us has a Dragon of Demons that we must come face to face with and stare down with the understanding that by doing so, we will be given the key of Re-membrance to Who We Are and why we came into this dimension!! Please understand that No Thing in your experience is ever wasted. It is all useful knowledge and experience for the greatest Purpose of All. WHO WE ARE AND THE GIFTS WE ALL WIELD TO PULL OUR LOVED ONES OUT OF THIER OWN DARKNESS....AND BACK INTO THE LIGHT!!!
For the Re-membrance of understanding and knowledge THIS JOURNEY affords us is worth a thousand experiences in other areas of Time and Space!!!
Please just be Patient and Kind with others on their Journey. Each and every one of us is on a unique and Spirit filled path whose timetable is known ONLY to their own Soul............We have NO IDEA what another's Soul is up to and to meddle with its path is perhaps the most disrespectful action we can offer........
The tipping point on this planet can be changed in an instant... If We simply treat one another as the Unique and Divine emanations that are our birthrights and allow each other the patience to find our OWN way................
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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