“Sometimes the ONLY way to move forward is to revisit the things from your past that are still holding you back. You have to deal with them head on. No matter how scary they may be. Because when you do, that's when you will realize you can go further than you ever imagined.”
~~Barry Allen AKA The Flash (THE FLASH)
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For those of us on a path of SELF realization, who awake each morning and with great courage and strength, step forth into the daily process of committing to our life's PURPOSE, the villainous forces of unconsciousness we must confront can often be quite overwhelming. And without some much needed self preservation techniques, the amalgam of such dastardly destructive energy can cloud our TRUTH, and steer us completely off course of our set GPS. (Grand Purpose from Spirit)
The number of recent conversations I have engaged with coaching peers and clients whose lives are being unnecessarily complicated and painfully damaged with TOXIC energy from a cacophony of individuals is off the charts. And by TOXIC, I am referring to those Souls who vibrate at various caustic levels of jealousy, shame, judgement, and are in turn controlling, manipulative and disrespectful. It is by far the biggest area for change and ‘renewed opportunity’ I am currently experiencing for those of us attempting to be greater Connoisseurs of Consciousness.
And I have not been immune to this infectious epidemic that if left unchecked, often leads to depleted connection to your authentic self. And can corrode the Re-membrance of the infinite Spiritual Source that is your true essence. In fact, some familial fractures that occurred during my father's prolonged illness have resurfaced recently, and I will humbly admit, such external resentment, jealousy, and judgement has wrecked some Heavenly Havoc on this New Age Nerd's Confidence of Consciousness. Isn't it absolutely AMAZING how much work it takes to climb a few steps up the ladder of spiritual awareness, and how quickly we can fall back down through the triggers of toxicity.
While I was studying Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica, our professors were fervent in their declaration that at a CORE spiritual level ‘nobody can DO anything to you.’ (They were referencing your emotional disposition) If you become triggered by the way someone engages you, they are actually showing you an area in your own heart that still needs to be tended to; an area where LOVE, care, and compassion can be applied to assist in healing a prior wound. The fact that you were painful triggered is proof positive that there is still work to do around that ‘issue.’ And to a certain extent, I think there is a great deal of value in REFRAMING certain painful engagements using this paradigm. I am not saying we should budget money from our weekly paychecks for tidy ‘THANK YOU’ cards for these individuals and our engagements with them, but I have learned to be hyper vigilant when being emotionally triggered as a guidepost for my self actualization TO DO list!!
However, since us New Age Nerds practice GROUNDED SPIRITUALITY, one of our tenets is NOT to vibrate in states that are ABSOLUTE. And so why I accept the understanding that others TOXICITY can often assist us in uncovering areas of growth that still need attention, I also believe that there are times when we must constructively engage this destructive energy and the individuals in our lives who deliver it. ESPECIALLY for those of us who are teachers, healers, coaches, and artists. Our greatest strength and gifts come imbued within our extreme sensitivity and we must be especially vigilant in our own well being and self preservation.
So here are some TIPS for how to handle the TOXIC people in our lives, so that we can continue on our Hero's/Heroine's Journey with more peaceful grace:
1. SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
Believe it or not, we actually teach people how we want to be treated with each and every interaction with them. In fairness to them, until we compassionately communicate how their ‘antics’ affect our emotionally well being, they may have NO idea. So the very FIRST time that someone behaves in a manner that makes you shrink, feel less than, or is hurtful in some way, it is so important to tell them how you feel. I know, I know! Easier said than done. I get it! But what is the more productive manner. To have that potentially sticky and awkward conversation, or to say nothing and have to deal with these hurtful behaviors over and over again.
2. TAKE INVENTORY OF WHO THE TOXIC PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE ARE
We often allow certain toxic relationships in our life to continue because we have become conditioned that the dynamic of co-creation with them is commonplace. The negative space created becomes our ‘NORM.’ This is why it is Gi-normously important to take stock of how we FEEL after spending time with the people in our life. And I am NOT referring to ONE OFFS. Life is messy and complex and we all have certain times where, well, shit just happens. Having a couple of experiences with someone where we feel emotionally drained or challenged afterwards is natural and organic part of human interaction. . But, if you discern that most of the time, having a co-creation with someone results in you feeling unheard, less than, manipulated, or just plain tired, it may be time to do something about it.
3. IT'S OK TO LOVE SOME PEOPLE FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM
After taking inventory of the people in our life, we are often left with a SELF empowering decision. Are there some people who you have compassionately and with great understanding decided should not continue to be in your life. NOT because we are placing judgement of ANY kind upon them. But rather because the cumulative affect they are having on our emotional well being is just too TOXIC. Perhaps they don't hold you in the same reverential light that you hold yourself. Or they are trying to keep you playing small, so they don't feel as bad about not playing LARGE themselves.
What would it look like to start loving them ‘from the other side of the room?’ Did you notice I said LOVE them from the other side of the room?!? That's the secret sauce in this action of self LOVE.
You are not banishing them to the Phantom Zone. And you are still holding them in a complete space of reverence and care. You have just decided that having their direct energy in your life is not serving you anymore. Hopefully, this KNOWINGNESS will help remove any sense of guilt you may have by your decision.
Loss can be a scary not to mention lonely place to be. There will be a time when you have left your place among the crows to fly with the eagles. And during that flight, there will be times in which you can see nothing but the clouds. Please DO NOT give up faith during this critical time. Lean on whatever support system you may have. It can become quite natural to want to turn back and go back to what is familiar. DO NOT DO THAT! The Universe abhors a vacuum and it is part of its natural law to eventually flood your existence to FILL IN the space that you created by letting go of the unhealthy people in your life......
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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