TODAY'S
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We live in a complex and ever changing world. And when it comes to the world of DATING, it appears that so many single people have become flustered, frustrated, and plain old tired of this ritual that is an essential part of life. We all crave connection, bonding, and most importantly LOVE.
Yet I have more than a handful of friends who have seemingly given up with the entire process altogether. And that's a shame! This Journey toward finding a life long partner that has the ability to be fun and exciting, has for many, turned into a nightmare of bad experiences that has scarred people from truly putting themselves and their hearts out there in an authentic manner.
So what if all of us single New Age Nerds reframed the entire process into something greater than what we are currently experiencing. An opportunity to learn, grow, and discover the very places within ourselves that still need the HEALING LIGHT to let others receive our LOVE in an authentic manner! Sound good?!? I hope so!
The delightful book ‘If The Buddha Dated’ by Charlotte Kasl ponders that very question by trying to ascertain, “What would it look like to bring the Buddha consciousness to DATING.” She writes, “Instead of feeling a sense of urgency, we would be fascinated by the process of meeting and getting to know people. Compassion, care, and kindness would supersede ‘getting someone to BE with us.’ And we would NEVER try to control another person. We wouldn't put others on a pedestal, nor would be set them below us. We'd remember that on a spiritual path, the PURPOSE of any relationship is to wake up and get to know ourselves and our lover, thoroughly, without judgement or pride. On the spiritual path, we enter into a shared union where we cherish and give to each other, expanding our ability to LOVE unconditionally. We would also accept that the process can be awkward, unpredictable, challenging, and surprising.”
Through the years, I beleive we have slowly become disillusioned with the idea of what relationships are truly for. Too seduced by the idea of the romantic idealism of never ending feelings of skyrockets blasting away in our hearts, and the notion that someone else can ACTUALLY MAKE US COMPLETE AND HAPPY. When the truth is that the ONLY person who can complete us and make us happy is OURSELVES. And that is why we choose to be in relationship with one another. To help each other grow, and learn more about the places within us that need more Light and LOVE so that we can heal and bring the Greatest Version of the Grandest Vision ever held of ourselves into our relationship and share that energy with our partner!
Kasl aslo espouses, “Dating with a buddha consciousness means a willingness to confront anything inside us that kindles fear or anxiety. When we start wanting to run away, be deceptive, tell lies, or put on a mask, we need to walk right into our fears, sit down and talk to them, until they become our friends. Ultimately, as we become friends with ourselves, and give up demanding that the Universe provide us with a lover, we become truly open to meeting a special person with whom to share this Journey of awakening.” What a novel idea, huh?!? By learning to first LOVE ourselves, we learn how to accept and LOVE another! Brilliant !! Because too often we reverse this very process. By trying to change and mold our partner first, we believe that be recreating them we can find wholeness within ourselves. And let me tell ya from personal experience, that ain't never gonna happen! TRUST!! LOL
Our job is to work on ourselves first and foremost. In fact, I often use the Law of Attraction to assist me in this very Paradigm. Rather than asking for SOURCE to deliver the ‘perfect person’ into my experience. I ask the Universe to deliver upon me the experiences and wisdom needed to learn how to truly love myself, so that when the right person does come along, I can truly see them and accept them for the gift they were meant to be in my life. And it has made such a difference!! I highly suggest you give the same principle a try! It really works...
One of my favorite notions introduced in the book is the idea of NON NEGOTIABLES. Karl suggests that while dating, creating a list of five things she calls non negotiables. Because even a spiritual union must incorporate certain healthy boundaries that they maintain. Essential, these are simply things that through our own self work, we have come to realize will NOT serve us in a relationship. I will even share with you my list:
1. No smoking, drugs etc.
2. Interest in self growth/kind and compassionate
3. Willingness to work on conflict resolution skills
4. Has a passion for a PURPOSE in their life
5. The ability to not take life so seriously/ can laugh at themselves
I think this is a wonderful way of creating a basic template for the things we know we DESIRE in a partner. Now don't go overboard by creating a list that NOBODY could possibly live up to. That just isn't fair and is just going to continue your patterns of dating frustration and discord. Hear me?!? Good!!
And in the final passage of truth that truly resonates with me that I will share with you in closing the post, please soak up this wisdom. “If you seek only refuge, security, and comfort you imprison your relationship and it merely becomes a sleep state. An opiate, which most people seem to prefer.”
But all of us New Age Nerds KNOW better. We realize and understand that relationships are a wonderful opportunity to learn about ourselves and heal from our past. And in doing so, assisting our partner in doing the same thing!
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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