“And why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up.”
Dr. Thomas Wayne to a young Bruce in Batman Begins
The month of October typically signals the start of my favorite time of the year. On the East Coast, the harsh humidity of Summer transitions into clear, crisp days and the foliage on the trees turn into a menagerie of transcendent colors that frame every vista into the perfect postcard. For us sports junkies, it's a treasure trove of goodies as the NFL season is in full swing, the baseball playoffs can be found on some channel almost every night, and both the basketball and hockey seasons are just underway. Throw in the fact that it's my birthday month AND the Holiday Season is just around the corner.....just two words.......YES PLEASE!
But October of 2012 was not so much of a time for celebration. In fact, it was one of the most challenging points of my life (And I've had plenty of them... just sayin' !) I found myself in the unenviable position of being jobless, broke, and living in my parents basement. If that wasn't tough enough, the Crohn's disease I had been battling since my early teens required biologic shots twice a month to keep me in remission, that without health insurance, cost three thousand dollars EACH! No health insurance company would even discuss a personal plan, so I applied for disability coverage. Sometimes, you do what you have to do, right?!?After waiting for nearly six months, the official letter of disability denial came in the mail. OUCH!
Believe it or not, things only got worse. My little pup Nacho started peeing around the house like he was a firefighter in training. A trip to the vet revealed he had become diabetic and was going to need two insulin shots a day to live. And I can't stand needles. Aye dios mio!! To top it all off, a job I had really wanted, and went through an extensive interview process with, completely fell through at the last moment. And if one more person tried to cheer me up with ‘This will all pass, Jeff,’ I thought I was going to go ballistic! FYI, telling someone everything they are going through will ‘pass’ should be saved for stomach and gas attacks. NOT a complete life meltdown!!
Slowly, my heart started to sink and my faith completely crumbled. Every facet of my life was a total disaster and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see a way out. Until one morning, 'Uncle D' (my not so affectionate name for full blown Depression) showed up at the front door, his bags in tow, giving me no signs of how long he planned on visiting this time.
One late night, just a few days later, I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed, racked with an aching heart and soul. The type of pain that makes it hard to breathe. I didn't feel like a failure, because that word didn't seem large enough to handle my current narrative. My mind raced from one insanely torturous thought to another. All I knew for sure was that something had to change, or Uncle D would be taking me back home with him at the end of this stay.
As tears began to flow, I prayed to God to have mercy on me. I needed a sign that life was still worth living. I needed....anything.
A box of tissues were sitting on the top of a cabinet full of books next to the bed. I stood up to grab a handful, when the pristinely white jacket cover of ONE book on the shelf grabbed my attention with such an immediate intensity that it nearly started to lightly glow. With over 300 like minded tomes in my collection, this phenomenon of a book 'calling' to me was not new. But never before was it quite this consuming.
As I bent down for a closer examination, I saw that the book's title was Pathways to Bliss by Joseph Campbell. Despite devouring books like this with a fervent passion over the previous 15 years, I had ironically never actually read anything by this author. I had bought the book on sale at Borders several years earlier, after seeing an interview with George Lucas in which he talked about how much Campbell's work had influenced his work on Star Wars. Little did I know how much the book was about to change my life.
As I began to wipe dry my tear stained cheeks, I pulled the book from its resting place and brought it with me back to the edge of the bed. Miraculously, my mind stopped its racing, and I was able to focus on the words I was reading. He wrote about the attainment of Bliss, and how ‘the privilege of a lifetime is being who YOU are.’
But what absolutely struck at the core of my utter BEING was his explanation of what he has termed ‘The Hero's Journey’. And how everything that life brings us is no thing short of EXACTLY what we need in order to fulfill our purpose here on Earth. Of course I had heard of the Hero's Journey during my previous travels. But this time, I REALLY HEARD IT. Truly understood its meaning with a ferocity of acceptance and purposeful enlightenment. I wasn't a failure. In fact, ‘just the opposite’, I thought. If I had gone through THIS much suffering and pain so far in my life, then my Hero's Journey must be pretty big. I had always believed I was here to be a guide to assist others on their warriors path, but now, I KNEW IT. Big difference!!
So no matter what your current situation may be, there is HOPE. In those moments of despair, please remember that there is a PURPOSE for everything you are going through. I PROMISE! You are not alone. That's what we are doing here, together. Trying to help one another figure out why we are going through so much pain and suffering, and how we can channel it into our reason for being!
Campbell also suggested that someone on this 'path toward Bliss' might consider looking for examples of stories in our mythological world that passionately resonate with their story. It's an incredibly powerful manner to gain deeper meaning and insight into the life patterns that seem to follow us. Not to mention it's a pretty kick-ass and fun entry point to discovering your true calling. That's why I call that night my 'Dark Knight' of the soul. Batman has become my personal spiritual totem and his healthy association in my life has been an absolute miracle! I have learned to call upon his spiritual essence on so many occasions that the "Bat-Signal" has needed to be professionally serviced many a time.
I wish I could say that finding such a powerful paradigm such as the Hero's Journey would have eradicated most of the pain and suffering in my own life the past 8 years. But, instead, it has actually felt at times as though my trials and tribulations have at times continued piling up quicker than I can put on my "Batsuit." Thank goodness I also have a couple spare pair of batman night "jammies" that fill in quite nicely in certain times of desperation! LOL
My point is the following. Similar in vein to the dastardly deeds from the villainy that pours forth from Batman's home of Gotham City, mental illness shares the same sullen characteristics. NEITHER OF THEM HAVE A PERMANENT CURE! Even worse, mental illlness has been superimposed with a litany of extreme paralyzing prejudice, misunderstanding, and a polarizing stigma that is FAR FROM SUPER in nature.
Last week, I wrote a post about my own recent personal battles with mental illness and the devastating effects they have wrought upon everything and everyone in my life. If only our fiscal life was a Monopoly board, and our personal relationships were as easily unraveled as time spent after a game of "Twister!" But while various board games are best used to temporarily alleviate life's numerous ills, they can in no way equate to the real world edition of the board game "Life."
Last week, if forced to undergo being tightly secured by Wonder Woman's "Lasso of Truth," I would have painfully admitted to thoughts of shutting down The New Age Nerd.
I became deeply conflicted by the notion of writing a blog about "Super Transformational" guidance while I was concurrently battling my own mental demons. I felt like somewhat of a maudlin fraud. "Shouldn't life filled guidance be disseminated by those fortunate enough to live free of the mental woes I sometimes find myself succumbing to?!" After deciding to release last week's post about my own recent battles, I was luckier than most. While I did have some friends who reached out to me, still others remained near silent in their retorts. No judgement on either front. I accept the unique manner in which everyone deals with such hard to face maladies of the brave buckets that are filled with some form of mental illness. Sure, it would be terrific to have people reach out with a warm, refractory glow of love and kindness. However, as a collective whole, we just aren't in such a place of engagement.
Providence so often manifests itself in the form of a miracle. And such was the case a were few days ago. I was reading a blog post filled with stories of others battling with mental illness and happened to come across a story that struck me straight in my Super Hero heart! An incredibly brave young man had responded to a blog entry written from a young woman who had tried to commit suicide several times during her battle with bi-polar disease. She had finally found solace in the form of superhero comic books. She drew great inspiration from the manner in which these ink concocted super heroic icons never gave up and continued to fight, no matter the odds facing them!
For some, this may have just been a wonderful cautionary tale of the power of modern myth when incorporated into our lives. However, for this particular young man, her fleshed out personal epitome literally SAVED HIS LIFE!! Just prior before coming across this blog, he had been searching the internet for places to purchase poison. His mental anguish and psychic pain was that horrific and beyond unbearable. He had made the decision that his suffering no longer held any sense of meaning in his precious life. And was ready extinguish his "Life Light," permanently.
However, after reading that blog, he spent the rest of the night digesting various comic books! From all the illustrious pages filled with Super Heroes facing their own fears and still facing down their demons, he found an outlet large enough to carry his own once nasty narrative. And ease enough of his suffering that he instantly stopped looking for that life ending poison! And although his post ended there, I pray he found a team of support and is now a Super Hero for others like himself!
I feel as though SPIRIT nudged me directly to that story of how the power of Super Heroic Modern Mythology truly has the ability to transform this planet! To help us all re-member that we are all SUPER HEROES! With a Super Heroic Higher Self that has the ability to unite and heal; illuminate wisdom, compassion, kindness, joy, and most of all........LOVE!!
And so, rather than shut this blog down, I have instead discovered a new found framework for its existence and a rekindled fervent passion for part of its MISSION! One that celebrates the Super Hero in each and every one of us! A place where it's safe to BE EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE! So that we can ALL be celebrated for our uniqueness and what our set of "Super Powers" can unleash on this world to make it what it was always meant to be... HEAVEN ON EARTH!!
So from now on, every Monday will be deemed, "Super Heroic Mental Health Day." The posts will all radiate with inspiration and information about how to improve your own mental health. No matter what affliction you may be struggling with. All so you can slowly transform into a life of not just surviving, but SUPER HEROICALLY THRIVING! And showing this world that those of us who fight our daily battles with mental illness are SO MUCH MORE THAN WE ARE GIVEN CREDIT FOR!!
BE SUPER HEROIC!
Nerdmaste,
Jeffrey Louis Martinez
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