A Story of COURAGE That AFFECTS Us ALL..!!!

As I have stated several times in previous posts, I made a pact with myself when I started the New Age Nerd that I would use it as a platform to share my own Hero's Journey with the intention of assisting others who may be going through their own set of trials and tribulations.  And by being as completely vulnerable as possible, perhaps bring LIGHT to those of you who may feel stuck within the pit of your own DARKNESS.  And through the sharing of my own pain and suffering, offer guidance, courage, and hope to spread the knowingness that not only are you not alone in your unique Journey, but help you Re-member that your suffering has meaning.  Always and in all ways.....

I'm quite sure that the ardent followers of The New Age Nerd noticed that there was a couple of months in which there were no new posts.  I would like to share why that was the case.  It took me a few weeks to write this post because I am still somewhat raw from the experience.  But by sharing my recent story helps just ONE of you to forge through your own pain and eventually see it as a path toward your power and PURPOSE it will fulfill my desire.

For the past year 18 months, I have been suffering with bouts of depression.  The last few years have been incredibly challenging and at times unbearably painful.  The highlights- or lowlights- include me having to watch my father slowly die of brain cancer, which in turn caused such stress within our once tight knitted family that I ended up moving with my girlfriend to Baltimore without even sharing with anyone where I had vanished to.  Just months after the move, I lost my media sales job and with barely any savings, was evicted from the house I had just leased.  The ensuing stress was not exactly easy on the relationship with my girlfriend and we ended up breaking up.  She took our dog and moved up to the Boston area leaving me feeling utterly lost, alone, and more than frustrated to say the least.  

With no job and very little money, I had no place to go other than a shelter.  My only salvation would be to try and reconnect with my family.  But I had not spoken with any of them in over a year.  But desperation leads to INSPIRATION and I somehow mustered up the courage to pick up the phone and call my mom.  Although the conversation started off quite awkwardly, the Love Light between us slowly started to burn through the disconnection of the previous year and with open arms, my mom offered to have me move back in with her until I could get back on my feet.   When we hung up the phone, I joyfully wept for the rest of that day.  And the tears slowly wiped away my confused heart and shed meaning into the recent set of maladies that had befallen on me.  And life becomes so much more joyful the moment we find understanding and meaning lying within our pain and suffering.  My mom and I had always had a special relationship. and I knew this was a heaven sent opportunity for us to rekindle our LOVE for one another.

As one might imagine, the process of literally losing everything you have and having to move back in with your family takes a toll on your confidence.  Although I was beyond grateful to have the opportunity to have a place to stay, not to mention the gift of reconecting with my immediate family members, the sting from the collective painful events I had endured had taken their toll on me both emotionally and physically.  

Two months into the transition of moving back to Virginia, I slowly started to become depressed.  Thankfully, the depressive episode was rather short lived.  By summer I had even gotten a terrific job that I absolutely loved!!  I was coaching clients at nights and on the weekends and each and every day filled me with the BLISS of Spirit's light!  

But just as my life started to flourish, another set of unfortunate circumstances brought back the depression from earlier in the year.  I decided to take some time off to heal.  Unfortunately, I was let go of my job within a week of returning back to work.  I had been completely transparent with my boss that I was taking some vacation time to deal with my mental health.  But I found out oh so harshly that the STIGMA surrounding mental health and illness is an absolute travesty and causes so many to suffer in isolation for the fear of the repercussions that might befall them should they ask for the help they so desperately need.  In fact, looking back, the toll that this stigma had on my own life experience caused me to only band aid my own depression and mental health.  

Without any health insurance after losing my job didn't help the situation.  Fast forward to late April of this year and having never truly gotten the help I needed, the depression ROARED back and knocked me in ways I had never experienced before.  Just getting out of bed felt like running a marathon and most of my days were spent in what felt like pure HELL!!!  I completely lost my appetite and lost 15 pounds.  Depression has a way of completely distorting reality.  It is truly like having cancer of the soul.  I had spent months in the hospital years before having my colon removed due to the severe Crohn's disease I have, and even THAT was a piece of cake compared to what I was going through.

And to make matters worse, I had a Gi-normous amount of self judgement for weeks.  Here I was supposed to be a life coach and once again my own life seemed to be spiraling out of control.  Every day was an endurance in pain and suffering.  I knew that if I didn't get the help I needed, and soon, my own life would be in jeopardy.  The constant pounding pain was just too much to bare.  

After finally securing health insurance, and after having to comb through several Dr's, I FINALLY found a psychiatrist who I connected with and together we started the road toward healing my mind.
Although it took several weeks, I SLOWLY began to feel better.  Thank you God!!

I promised myself that I wouldn't rush the healing process this time and took a few months off from anything that didn't serve my process.  And that, my New Age Nerd compadres is the reason why my blog went silent for several months.  

Now that I am well on my way back to feeling like myself again, I will begin to post to the blog again.  And I have decided that from time to time I will infuse posts with INSPIRATION for those of you who may be suffering from any sort of mental illness.  That is the meaning I KNOW behind my own suffering and experience with this debilitating illness.  It is an absolute disgrace that although 1 out of 4 people will experience a major depressive episode in their lifetime.  And although we have made some progress, there is still a shameful STIGMA that surrounds this malady that causes way too many precious souls to suffer in the darkness rather than get the help they need.  

For those of you who are currently dealing with any form of depression, anxiety, or other form of mental illness, PLEASE KNOW THERE IS NOTHING TO FEEL SHAMEFUL ABOUT!!
And you are NOT alone!  So please let this post be a source of INSPIRATION for you to step out of the darkness and back into the LIGHT by asking and getting the help and support you deserve!  You are here for a reason and the world needs the gifts you came here to share with all of us.........

Nerdmaste,

Jeffrey Louis Martinez

An Absolutely INCREDIBLE True STORY That Will CHANGE Your Life..!!

TODAY'S “MYTHOLOGICAL MAGIC”

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Back in 1996, I traveled down to Atlanta to attend my very first Olympic Games.  In was, to say the very least, awe inspiring.  Tickets were tough to get your hands on given the ubiquitous fervor surrounding the entire event here in the United States.  For me, the highlights were getting to watch the GOLD medal game with ‘The Dream Team’, the once in a lifetime collection of the greatest NBA stars ever assembled on one team.   As well as attending one round of the women's  GOLD winning gymnastics tournament, that of course made SUPERSTARS out of many of the young ladies on the team now known as ‘The Magnificent Seven.’ .  But there was one member of the team who was completely unaware of the synchronicity that was going to later touch her life in the most miraculous of ways.   Her name is Dominique Moceanu, and her story of LOVE and reconciliation is truly SOUL stirring.  

And as I found out watching an episode of HBO's REAL SPORTS earlier this week, this event touched and changed the life of another incredibly special young lady who was watching her idol Dominique from her home in a little town in the suburbs of Chicago.  But in a way that I could NEVER fathom.  Her name is Jennifer Bricker and she was born without legs.  Given her birth defect, she was  given up for adoption from her birth parents soon after coming into this world. 
But she was adopted by a loving couple and raised to have absolutely NO LIMITATIONS.  Excuses were not allowed in their household.  Neither was the word CAN'T.  This couple raised her with an unending amount of courage and self belief that belied the fact that she was born with no extremities below her waist.  

Instead, Jennifer grew up in complete reverence of her HERO Dominique Moceanu.  So she set her mind on becoming....   a gymnast!  Even without legs, she had no limiting beliefs and never allowed the word FAIL to enter her conscious thoughts.  For motivation, she covered every inch of her bedroom with posters and pictures of her idol Dominique.  In fact, other than their shared passion for the sport of gymnastics, they even shared a similar visual aesthetic.  

Inspired by her idol's fearless feats of dazzling physical prowess, only fueled Jennifer's pursuit to become the number one gymnast in the state of Illinois.  And ya know what!?   Proving that the only limitations we have reside in our mind, Jennifer accomplished her goal and dream, becoming the number ONE rated gymnast in her state while still in High School!!  Not only that, she also excelled in volleyball, basketball, and softball as well!  To those who witnessed her feats of courage, dedication, and perseverance, she became a local LEGEND!

Obviously an amazingly gifted and talented athlete, Jennifer was also deeply spiritual and intuitive.  So one day while staring at a picture of Dominque, she had a heartfelt premonition.  She asked her adoptive parents if she could have a talk with them about her birth parents.  And it was on that very day that her long held intuitive beliefs were realized.  Her parents told her that she was Dominique's sister, given up at birth by parents who were looking to raise a champion gymnist, never having the FAITH that someone born without legs could accomplish such a feat.  So for all these years, Jennifer's idol and hero was actually her sister!  Deep down, Jennifer was always drawing strength from her now known sister in a way that in my eyes, proves that bonds run deep and that we are all truly CONNECTED AS ONE!

It took four years for Jennifer to muster the courage to actually send Dominique a letter letting her know that she had a sister she never knew about.

Published in Moceanu’s new memoir “Off Balance,” the letter included photos and Bricker’s adoptive papers. Bricker wrote to her sister: “I feel that I have one chance to show you and prove to you that I’m not some crazy person, but I’m sure after seeing all of the papers, you’ll see that I’m serious,” the New York Daily reports.

Moceanu, now 34, recounted to ABC her reaction to the letter, “It was the biggest bombshell of my life. Rage was my first emotion, had my life been a lie? I had this sister that was born who was given up for adoption, and I never knew it.”

When she confronted her parents, they told her that Bricker was born the day after Moceanu’s sixth birthday. Moceanu’s mother, Camelia, said that her husband, Dmitry, forced her to give up the baby, saying that they couldn’t afford the medical care that would be necessary.

“I never saw my baby. I never held her, never touched her, never even smelled her. I desperately wanted to, but your father told me we had to give her up and that was that,” Camelia said.

~~  Excerpt from Kathleen Miles from the Huffington Post.

Ironically enough, Dominique had a very tumultuous relationship with her parents and actually went to court to legally emancipate herself from them, going as far as having a restraining order against her father who she she claimed physical abused her while growing up in their household.

But all the pain and confusion soon dissipated when Jennifer and Dominque finally met in person for the first time.  The physical similarities were striking, down to small mannerisms both shared.  But it was the SOULFUL connection that was instantly apparent.  Proving that LOVE truly has NO boundaries and transcends time and space.

The sisters now share a life that is spent making up for lost time and memories.  Yet, according to them, it is almost as though they were never separated in the first place. They both accept their individual Heroine's Journey as their own unique path. 

I cried deeply while watching this segment in my hotel room in NY.  I thought of my own birth father whom I never met.  And how, just like Jennifer, life intervened with a step father who was an angel in human clothing.  More importantly, it reminded me how this Journey of life is such a miracle of joyful and unexpected events.  Although painful and confusing at times, it is also MIRACULOUS and MAGICAL.   If we simply BELIEVE in its  majestic power and intent.  We often do not know why things happen, and that is part of the mystery and magic that makes this a daily adventure that rivals the greatest stories of MYTH ever told!

Nerdmaste,

Jeffrey Louis Martinez

A Lasting LESSON In The Game Of LIFE...!!

TODAY'S INSPIRATIONAL
“MYTHOLOGICAL MAGIC”

“I used to say I lived my life a quarter mile at a time 

Now…I think that’s why we were brothers…

Because you did too!”

“No matter where you are….whether its a quarter mile away, or half way across the world…You will always be with me….and you will always be my brother…….”

~~  Dominic Toretto       (THE FUROUS 7)

 [letter to Stark]  “Tony, I'm glad you're back at the compound. I don't like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I've been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere, even in the army. My faith's in people, I guess. Individuals. And I'm happy to say that, for the most part, they haven't let me down. Which is why I can't let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but maybe they shouldn't. I know I hurt you, Tony. I guess I thought by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but I can see now that I was really sparing myself, and I'm sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you're doing what you believe in, and that's all any of us can do. That's all any of us should... So no matter what, I promise you, if you need us - if you need me - I'll be there.”

[Tony looks at a flip phone Steve sent him]

~~  Steve Rogers AKA Captain America                (CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR)

“ We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”

~~  John Keating           (THE DEAD POETS SOCIETY)


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When I was just starting out my teenage years, I had a small group of friends that all lived in my community and it was perhaps the first time I understood the importance of having a tribe.  Looking back in retrospect, it's quite amazing how many powerful spiritual lessons were engrained within me during this often awkward and precarious time of life.  Events that were perhaps the initial birthing place of my passion for self growth and transformation.  Fond memories that have now become stories I still share with myself and others that have lasting life lessons.

Growing up on the East Coast, the winter snow was always a welcomed relief from the daily stress of school.  And since both of my parents were teachers, we were the first to get phoned the night before if schools were closing the next day.  SNOW DAYS were the ‘Holy Grail’ of childhood blessings and brought with them an unending opportunity for fun and freedom.  Our group was perhaps the first incarnation of TV's current ‘BIG BANG THEORY’.  We were for the most part a cadre of nerds who shared our intense passions for video games, movies, mythology, and especially board games.
We were all competitive as hell and took losing relatively tough.  Then again we were still pups in the relative scope of our emotional development.  And on one particular snowy afternoon those many years ago, we all got together for an afternoon of winner takes all MONOPOLY!  Little did I realize then, what a powerful metaphor for life was about to be displayed during that day's battle royal with the dice..........

One friend in our group we referred to as ‘Alex P. Keaton’,  after the character Michael J. Fox perfected on the TV show  ‘FAMILY TIES.’  Like the character Alex, he was obsessed with Wall Street, money, was small in nature, and had a relatively sharp temper.  All games played with him were intense, but he played Monopoly with a fervor that was unmatched by anyone else I had ever met.  He was wickedly smart and he certainly won his fair share of games.  But not on this day!

An hour or so into the game, I found myself on a Vegas worthy lucky streak and started collecting  houses and hotels all around the Monopoly board!  As I looked around the table, I noticed ‘Alex’ was just about out of money.  One more unlucky roll of the dice, causing him to land on one of my stockpiled board spaces, and he was done!  And he knew it.  His brows began to furrow and his lips were parsed.  I handed him the dice which he grabbed from my hands in obvious disgust.  He shook the dice for an unusually long time and then threw them down across the board.  He counted out the steps with his game piece and landed right SMACK in the middle of my Boardwalk.........

In what seemed like an instant, he grabbed the board game from each side, and flipped it high into the air.  Sending pieces of plastic and fake paper money flying all over the room in what felt like perpetual slow motion!  Not to mention ruining the game for the those of us who were still participating.  The group sat in awkward silence for what felt like an eternity.  Unfortunately, the game was obviously over and the rest of us began collecting the various game pieces that had been flung in every other direction with ‘Alex's’ display of utter dismay.

Of course we were furious, but at that point in our lives, we were not comfortable with heated confrontations, so not much was said until days later.  And looking back, I'm glad I handled the situation in the manner that I did.  Because whether we knew it or not at the time, ‘Alex’ had just taught us a Gi-normous life lesson that I still share to this day.  Rather than simply playing the game for the joy, laughter, and fun it can provide, he allowed the ILLUSION of the game to become HIS REALITY.

Admittedly, this tremendously powerful metaphor didn't solidify itself for me until many years later.  But do you see how we all do this very same thing in our own lives.  We allow the ILLUSION of this world to become our REALITY.   Just as ‘Alex’ did!  And when we do, we become disconnected from Spirit and the purpose that we came here to accomplish.  And that's very often when depression, anxiety, loneliness, and separation from SOURCE sits in and stays for a while.  Or unfortunately for some, never leaves.

We live in a Matrix of energy that was designed as a creative space for our souls to experience the Greatest Version of the Grandest Vision we have ever held of ourselves.  SO much of what we see and experience is an ILLUSION to give us the very opportunities we desire to feel.  I know it can seem SO completely real at times, and it was set up that way.  How else could we have such transcendent experiences unless the GAME we were playing felt so tangibly realistic.  I like to believe that the masters on this planet, have slowly learned to “tip their toe” in the universal life-force that surrounds us.  Just enough to enjoy the game and experience it for what it was meant to be, but never “jumping in” completely, thus allowing the ILLUSION to become their REALITY.

As Eckert Tolle says in ‘A New Earth’, “ All we can perceive, experience, think about, is the surface layer of reality.  Less than the tip of an iceberg.  Underneath the surface appearance, everything is not only connected to everything else, but also with the SOURCE of all life from which it came.”  Essentially we are all ONE.  The illusion is that we are all separate.  But we could not have all the juicy, delectable experiences we desire, if we did not have the illusion of separation.

My intention for you today, is to Re-member this story the next time you feel yourself allowing the ILLUSION of life to become your REALITY.  And even better than that, share this Re-membrance with others who may have lost their way.   We all do at some point.  That's why, as they say, “It takes a Village!”

Nerdmaste,

Jeffrey Louis Martinez

Learn If YOU Just Might Be A WOUNDED HEALER.........

TODAY'S INSPIRATIONAL “MYTHOLOGICAL MAGIC”

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I was introduced to the term ‘Wounded Healer’ on the very first episode of Super Soul Sunday I ever watched.  And it has been a part of my spiritual paradigm ever since.  In the episode, they were discussing the fact that there are certain individuals who seem to go through extraordinary life challenges, as well as an amazing amount of pain and suffering.  And unfortunately, many of these chosen SOULS are labeled with having bad luck, or making poor decisions that are at the root cause of their various life struggles.  And yet, often, that is simply NOT the truth of what is taking place behind the spiritual scenes of their experiences.  Many of these special individuals are called to be WOUNDED HEALERS.

The term itself is derived from Mythology.  In Greek myth, Chiron was the wisest of Centaurs, and the archetype of the wounded healer.   He was accidentally wounded by an arrow that had been dipped with the blood of Hydra.  Chiron was immortal though, and so that arrow's venom sentenced him to eternal pain, suffering, and terrible torment.  In his lengthy search for a cure to his own condition, the byproduct became an ability for him to help others.  He became a teacher who spent his days spreading the healing arts he had learned through his own struggles.  The very act of helping others with their suffering, greatly aided his own angst.   As Buddha says, “Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.”

While Greek Mythology may have originated the idea behind a wounded healer, the energy behind this powerful archetype has continued to spread throughout  all generations.  It is at the core of The Hero's/Heroine's Journey.  In the final act of the Journey, the Hero, after overcoming an inordinate amount of struggles, pain, and suffering, brings the knowledge collected and lessons learned back to their tribe to share this newfound enlightenment with everyone.

However, there is a distinct difference between ‘curing’ someone from their particular malady, and HEALING them from their pain so they can resume their life's purpose.  Perhaps it can be surmised as the difference between science and art.  Effective healing energy flows when two hearts intimately connect.  There is a deep trust because of the mutual understanding that both have from experiencing things that are quite similar in nature.  I know, for instance, that when I meet someone who has suffered from Crohn's disease, that they truly understand my pain. In fact, we call ourselves ‘The Crohnies’ when we meet.  We share a common yet unspoken badge of honor from our malady.  That doesn't mean that the only people who can assist and support me have to have Crohns, but as Carl Jung said, “The doctor is effective ONLY when he himself is affected.  Only the wounded physician heals.”  What I have found is that I tend to resoundingly connect and resonate with others who have dealt with their own severe forms of trials and tribulations.  They just seem to have a common form of knowingness and understanding that I relate to.  The depths of their souls are so full of mystical magic and wisdom, that I can get lost in this esoteric energy for days!

Jung believed that the best healers were those who had undergone a transformation of sorts from their own suffering and set of life struggles.  It offered to them an authentic piece of soul based compassion.  The Wounded Healer understands at a profound level what his client feels, because he/she has experienced something of a VERY similar nature.  The HEALER is thus able to feel a profound empathy, and not just sympathy for their client.  And that makes a Gi-normous difference in the relationship!  It's as if a spiritual channel of connection emanates from both healer and patient that   causes a sense of soulful connection and ultimate trust.

Admittedly, my life has had MORE than its share of experiences that I have had many people lable as bad luck or hearing phrases such as “Jeff just can't catch a break.  He has the worst luck.”  And sometimes, it has been excrutiatingly painful and frustrating to be engaged in such a manner. In an old post called ‘A Dark Knight of the Soul’ I describe the moment when I realized that luck had No Thing to do with my life experiences.  I believe that I was called to be a Wounded Healer and have since made it my life's purpose to use what I have learned through my Journey to support and assist others who are still in their own particular sense of HELL.  A BATMAN with a spiritual PURPOSE!! Yeah...I Like That!!!  As Thomas Jefferson said, “Who then can so softly bind up the wound of another as he who has felt the same wound himself.”  Utter perfection...........

So today I ask you, do you believe that perhaps you can find a way to use YOUR unique set of hardships and pain to assist others?  Because in a way, I believe we are ALL meant to be Wounded Healers for one another.  That doesn't mean it has to become our life mission.  But how much human suffering could be transformed if we had the courage and were VULNERABLE enough to share our hurt and illusionary failures with our fellow brothers and sisters across the planet?!  Furthermore, I believe it is time for us to make this one of our missions.  We need one another NOW more than ever!!

Nerdmaste,

Jeffrey Louis Martinez

4 TIPS For Dealing With The TOXIC People In Your Life..!!

Today's Inspirational “MYTHOLOGICAL MAGIC"

“Sometimes the ONLY way to move forward is to revisit the things from your past that are still holding you back. You have to deal with them head on.  No matter how scary they may be.  Because when you do, that's when you will realize you can go further than you ever imagined.”
~~Barry Allen AKA The Flash   (THE FLASH)

~~  Jordan Belfort  (THE WOLF OF WALL STREET)

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For those of us on a path of SELF realization, who awake each morning and with great courage and strength, step forth into the daily process of committing to our life's PURPOSE, the villainous forces of unconsciousness we must confront can often be quite overwhelming.  And without some much needed self preservation techniques, the amalgam of such dastardly destructive energy can cloud our TRUTH, and steer us completely off course of our set GPS. (Grand Purpose from Spirit)

The number of recent conversations I have engaged with coaching peers and clients whose lives are being unnecessarily complicated and painfully damaged with TOXIC energy from a cacophony of individuals is off the charts.  And by TOXIC, I am referring to those Souls who vibrate at various caustic levels of jealousy, shame, judgement, and are in turn controlling, manipulative and disrespectful.   It is by far the biggest area for change and ‘renewed opportunity’ I am currently experiencing for those of us attempting to be greater Connoisseurs of Consciousness. 

And I have not been immune to this infectious epidemic that if left unchecked, often leads to depleted connection to your authentic self.  And can corrode the Re-membrance of the infinite Spiritual Source that is your true essence.  In fact, some familial fractures that occurred during my father's prolonged illness have resurfaced recently, and I will humbly admit, such external resentment, jealousy, and judgement has wrecked some Heavenly Havoc on this New Age Nerd's Confidence of Consciousness.  Isn't it absolutely AMAZING how much work it takes to climb a few steps up the ladder of spiritual awareness, and how quickly we can fall back down through the triggers of toxicity.

While I was studying Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica, our professors were fervent in their declaration that at a CORE spiritual level ‘nobody can DO anything to you.’ (They were referencing your emotional disposition)  If you become triggered by the way someone engages you, they are actually showing you an area in your own heart that still needs to be tended to; an area where LOVE, care, and compassion can be applied to assist in healing a prior wound.  The fact that you were painful triggered is proof positive that there is still work to do around that ‘issue.’  And to a certain extent, I think there is a great deal of value in REFRAMING certain painful engagements using this paradigm.  I am not saying we should budget money from our weekly paychecks for tidy ‘THANK YOU’ cards for these individuals and our engagements with them, but I have learned to be hyper vigilant when being emotionally triggered as a guidepost for my self actualization TO DO list!!

However, since us New Age Nerds practice GROUNDED SPIRITUALITY, one of our tenets is NOT to vibrate in states that are ABSOLUTE.  And so why I accept the understanding that others TOXICITY can often assist us in uncovering areas of growth that still need attention, I also believe that there are times when we must constructively engage this destructive energy and the individuals in our lives who deliver it.  ESPECIALLY for those of us who are teachers, healers, coaches, and artists.  Our greatest strength and gifts come imbued within our extreme sensitivity and we must be especially vigilant in our own well being and self preservation.  

So here are some TIPS for how to handle the TOXIC people in our lives, so that we can continue on our Hero's/Heroine's Journey with more peaceful grace:

1.  SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
Believe it or not, we actually teach people how we want to be treated with each and every interaction with them.  In fairness to them, until we compassionately communicate how their ‘antics’ affect our emotionally well being, they may have NO idea.  So the very FIRST time that someone behaves in a manner that makes you shrink, feel less than, or is hurtful in some way, it is so important to tell them how you feel.  I know, I know!  Easier said than done.  I get it!  But what is the more productive manner.  To have that potentially sticky and awkward conversation, or to say nothing and have to deal with these hurtful behaviors over and over again.  

2.  TAKE INVENTORY OF WHO THE TOXIC PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE ARE
We often allow certain toxic relationships in our life to continue because we have become conditioned that the dynamic of co-creation with them is commonplace.  The negative space created becomes our ‘NORM.’  This is why it is Gi-normously important to take stock of how we FEEL after spending time with the people in our life.  And I am NOT referring to ONE OFFS.  Life is messy and complex and we all have certain times where, well, shit just happens.   Having a couple of  experiences with someone where we feel emotionally drained or challenged afterwards is natural and organic part of human interaction. .  But, if you discern that most of the time, having a co-creation with someone results in you feeling unheard, less than, manipulated, or just plain tired, it may be time to do something about it.

3.  IT'S OK TO LOVE SOME PEOPLE FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM
After taking inventory of the people in our life, we are often left with a SELF empowering decision.  Are there some people who you have compassionately and with great understanding decided should not continue to be in your life.  NOT because we are placing judgement of ANY kind upon them.  But rather because the cumulative affect they are having on our emotional well being is just too TOXIC.  Perhaps they don't hold you in the same reverential light that you hold yourself.  Or they are trying to keep you playing small, so they don't feel as bad about not playing LARGE themselves.  

What would it look like to start loving them ‘from the other side of the room?’  Did you notice I said LOVE them from the other side of the room?!?  That's the secret sauce in this action of self LOVE.

You are not banishing them to the Phantom Zone.  And you are still holding them in a complete space of reverence and care.  You have just decided that having their direct energy in your life is not serving you anymore.  Hopefully, this KNOWINGNESS will help remove any sense of guilt you may have by your decision.  

Loss can be a scary not to mention lonely place to be.  There will be a time when you have left your place among the crows to fly with the eagles.  And during that flight, there will be times in which you can see nothing but the clouds.  Please DO NOT give up faith during this critical time.  Lean on whatever support system you may have.  It can become quite natural to want to turn back and go back to what is familiar.  DO NOT DO THAT!  The Universe abhors a vacuum and it is part of its natural law to eventually flood your existence to FILL IN the space that you created by letting go of the unhealthy people in your life......

Nerdmaste,

Jeffrey Louis Martinez

Are You ADDICTED To A Story That Does NOT Belong To You..??.!!

“People of National City.  This is Supergirl.  I hope you can hear me.  We have been attacked. Mothers and fathers, friends and neighbors.  Suddenly stopped by a force of evil as powerful as this world has ever known.  Your attacker has sought to take your free will, your individuality, your SPIRIT, everything that makes you who you are.  When facing an attack like this, it is easy to feel hopeless, we retreat, we lose our strength , we lose ourselves.  I know.  I lost everything.  When I first landed on this planet I was sad and alone.  But I found out, that there is so much LOVE in this world out there for the taking.  And you, the people of National City have helped me. You let me be who I AM MEANT TO BE.  You gave me back to myself.  You made me stronger than I ever thought possible.  And I LOVE you for that.  Now in each and everyone of you there is a Light, a Spirit that cannot be sniffed out and won't give up.  I need your help again.  I need you to HOPE...HOPE.  That you can remember that you can all be HEROES.  HOPE that when faced with an enemy determined to destroy your spirits... you will fight back and thrive... HOPE, that those that once may have shunned you, in a crisis, will come back to you in your need of aid.   HOPE, that you will see again the faces of those you LOVE, and perhaps even those you have lost. ”
~~  Supergirl     (Supergirl)

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How many people do you know that secretly desire to be writers of one form or another?  They have at least “one or two” books in them and some may even have derived the “someday titles” of these sure to be future best sellers.  Yet, weeks, then months, and years pass by them by, and not a single page has been touched with any ink. 

Now, juxtapose this with all the people you know who are seemingly addicted to their EGO FILLED PERSONAL STORIES.  Stuck in a maddening (for them and US) pattern of perpetual rewind and play that consists of the The Best Hits of the loss, fractured relationships, complaining, excuses, problems, and other areas of their lives that just plain stink. Especially when it has gotten to the point where you you have heard the story so often, you can play along in your inner monologue, as if quoting lines from a movie you've seen one too many times!   Sound vaguely familiar?!?!  ;0)

And let me tell ya, more than once I have had my own “Best Of” playing like a 24 hour Christmas Marathon of ‘It's A NOT SO Wonderful Life.’   Not so much fun for me or anyone else in earshot of  this dysfunctional and insidious record player that is actually keeping us STUCK from moving forward in our lives.

Now don't misunderstand me.  We ALL need to talk through our problems, pain, and issues.  It's a crucial part of the healing process.   And being a compassionate and kind listener for others in their times of emotional need can be one of the most powerful gifts we have at our disposal.  In fact,  at The University of Santa Monica, one of their favorite mantras was “no healing can begin until the last tear has been shed.”  Amen!  But sometimes, our little gremlin of an EGO comes into play, and has a pastiche of inventive tricks and mind games that actually desperately desires us to hold on to our past stories through the filter of victimhood to keep us from moving forward and growing back toward the LIGHT.  This is when we can get into some serious patterned problems!

In Eckhart Tolle's phenomenal book ‘A New Earth,’ he says,  “A very common role is one of the victim, and the form of attention it seeks from others in the form of pity, sympathy or others' interest in my problems, “me and my story.”  Seeing oneself as a victim is an element in many EGOIC patterns, such as complaining, being offended, outraged, and so on.  Of course, once I am identified with a story I have assigned myself the role of victim, I don't want it to end.  And so, as every therapist knows, the EGO DOES NOT want an end to its problems because they are a part of its identity.   If no one will listen to my sad story, I can tell it to myself in my head, over and over again and feel sorry for myself so have an identity as someone who is being treated unfairly by life, other people, fate, or God.”

So very often, this addiction we have to our stories is actually a part of our own EGO wanting us to keep playing small.  To hold the veil of illusion over our perception making it quite difficult to Re-member Who We Really Are.  And to make things more challenging, we then tend to “make up” stories about who we think we really are based on our egoic pattern of not letting our old stories GO!

As Tolle addresses from the same book, “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your THOUGHTS about it.  Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.  Separate them from the situation, which is ALWAYS neutral, which always is as it is.  There is the situation and fact, and here are my thoughts about it.  Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts.  For example, “I am ruined” is a story.  It limits you and prevents you from taking action......  Facing facts is always empowering.  Be aware that what you think, to a large extent, creates the emotions that you feel.  See the link between your thinking and your emotions.  Rather than being your thoughts and emotions,  be the awareness behind them.”  Learn it, live it, love it!!   The action steps Tolle describes above can make the most profound shifts in perspective of anything I have ever encountered.  And can save you from a Gi-normus amount of needless pain and emotionally suffering about our STORIES.

Just as important as it is to know when to functionally be in emotional assistance of others in need, it is EQUALLY important to understand when to create healthy boundaries in NOT BECOMING a part of another's dysfunctional story.  Whether we realize it or not, when we allow the people in our lives to carry on with the exact same stories of a STUCK and DYSFUNCTIONAL nature, we actually BECOME a part of them ourselves.   So if I can offer a suggestion that has worked wonders in my relationships, it's called the “Three Strike Rule”.  I will allow myself to entertain the same story with someone three times.  Hopefully, we can co-create some sort of understanding, uncover an a-ha moment, or self realization about how to move forward during these three chats.  After that, I compassionately explain that unless some radically  NEW information or aspect to the story as been found or created, that I cannot continue in the patterned process as to not become a part of the story myself.  It may seem a little harsh, but it is actually a healthy self boundary action AND will help (at least with you) to curb these perpetual stories from being continually talked about.  I will also often offer up my reasoning for this boundary by saying how much I care for the other person and how I would like to assist in helping them from being MIRED in the past so that they can move forward toward the new life that is waiting for them!   Sometimes, we are not even aware just how much we are holding on to the stories we think define us.   Try it in your own words and see how it works for you.....   

Let's face it, at the end of the day, what we are all seeking with our stories is to find a sense of PEACE about them, right?!   I have a personal knowingness that the real issue is not that our life stories are not a part of our core bring, but only when looked at through the proper lens can they help propel us forward in life.  When we learn to use the transformative tools of ACCEPTANCE and GRATITUDE as the perspective in which to view our life, our stories no longer are clouded by the dysfunctional poison of the EGO.  But rather become the essence from which we can unleash our true power!   So I will close with this perfect prose from Tolle's ‘A New Earth’ as he espouses, “Listen to people's stories and they can all be titled ‘Why I Cannot be at Peace Now.’  The Ego doesn't know that your only chance at being at peace is NOW.  Or maybe it DOES know and is afraid you will find this out.  Peace, after all, is the end of the EGO.  How to be at peace NOW.  By making peace with the present moment.  The present moment is the field on which the game of life happens.  It cannot happen anywhere else.  Once you have made peace with the present moment, see what happens, what you can do, or choose to do, or rather what life does THROUGH you.  There are three words that convey the secret to the art of living.  ONE WITH LIFE.”

Nerdmaste,

Jeffrey Louis Martinez